And I found it here.

And therefore movie review Twitter ishstyle. But promise not to make this a regular habit.

Watching What’s Your Rashee? Can’t believe this freaking crap is houseful. #wyr

Harman had clean chest in movie 1. And now hairy growth everywhere. I am feeling displaced. #wyr

Gawd the Aries chick is UGH! Would reject fast fast #wyr

Ever noticed Priyanka has wrinkled neck. But I guess not many go beyond the legs or max to max flat tummy. #wyr

With the Aquarian chick it feels more like clash of accents. And yes Harman can’t act. #wyr

News Flash : 20 mins into the movie. Mum sleeping. #wyr

Okay so I’d marry the Aquarian chick just for her car. Its a beamer. That too 6 series people! #wyr

Shit. Rejecting Aqurian girl. Its not her’s but her mama’s car. #wyr

Wish I had a nanaji like Jogesh’s. Acrding to his logic; I wud hve seen Sallu in all 12 guys I have met via the arnged route. Damn you nana! #wyr

Gemini chick rejected. Too short skirt, low low cleaveage. 3 inch heels. Pink lipstick. Frizzy hair. Way too mod no? #wyr

So why the ffing is Harman wearing full sleeves shirts and sweatshirts in this heated bombay wheather. Bitten by AB Baby syndrome.#wyr

Am pissed. Don’t know more at whom. 300 bucks tickets. Watching sleeping mother or watching this junk for a film.#wyr

Okay don’t get this bit. Shaved hands but not chest. This is seriously disturbing. #wyr

Cancerian chick looks straight out of RVGs horror flick. Be afraid. Very afraid. #wyr

So Cancerian chick is not a virgin. I see no issue. Cause Yogesh don’t seem to getting laid sorts. So balances out no?! #wyr

Libran woman is a lezzie. A hot one. Joyesh no chance dude. #wyr

I like it when the camera gets very close to Baweja’s face. Makes it blur. Give Hrthik Roshan feeling. Makes it bearable. The movie i.e.#wyr

As a side note. I believe the best I’m a virgin line has been said by Preity Zinta in Dil Se. Awesomeness. #wyr

Okay so I think the Libran chick has hots on the Aqurian chick. Or am I digressing? #Wyr

Piceasian baby looks like ugly version of Aishwariya Rai. Wow Harman sad one of Hrthik. Which makes this sad one of Boom. Or Soojha Bandar.

Gawd another song. This makes Rajshree’s Hum Saath Saath Hain so so so Oscar worthy. #wyr

A theory. Ashuthosh made balti balti bhar ke money from his previous films. Now wants to dispose money to evade taxation or underworld. #wyr

Thankfully Interval is here. And yes Mum is awake for Caramel Popcorn. Sad bit its a small one. Will sleep shortly. #wyr

Oooooo oooo meri Bebo. Me so gonna waste my money on this crap shit. But still end up laughing. Govinda rocks. #doknotdisturb

Leo is here. Leo is here. Me likes Leo. So what she looks moojra types. Me still likes. But will Yogesh Bhai? #wyr

For a moment there I thought the Leo chick asked the dude – You (y)gaysh? Anyway my mum think Terrance is Gay. I find him Hawt! #wyr

I loved the Leo chicklet. She whipped the NRI’s flat arse. Good she walked out on him. #wyr

Horny. Horny. Is this Nandini uff Scorpio. So wanna be types. #wyr nothing personal Scorpio ladies beat Ashutosh yaar

Wait wait a minute. What do I say a glimpse of clean smooth chaati. Yes yes there is God. There is hope after all people. #wyr

Okay this may sound weird but it feels like deja vu types. Like watching Rab Ne Bani De Jodi. On the loops. #wyr

Yaar while tweeting forgot to see the next chick’s star sign. The doctor one. She’s cute. I like her. Yogesh looks like the Swades guy. #wyr

Wow I thought only YSR guys did this. But looks like Ashu too believes in recyling. The doctor chick plot is mini Swades. #wyr

Wow not again. The Taurian chick plot looks like mod day Jodha Akbar. No jokes. #wyr

The Taurian girl is demented. Run. If I were (y)gash. #wyr

The hair is bak. Nahiiiiii. #wyr

Su che su che su che maan maa su che. Okay fine. This movie is stinker. #wyr

Saggie is here. Saggie is here. #wyr

Want to sue Mr Ashu.He make Sag slut like.Okay so maybe weee bit we are but we hve somthing called taste. And Yogesh aint tasty as all. #wyr

So it looks like some fart face complained to Ashutosh about my Rashi slashing. Bloody BB service went down.#wyr

Anyway the last chick, Capri was underage and our Yogesh is not a perve. #wyr

Finally Yogesh gets a girl. Gets married. Funny bit, even he didn’t know what rashee she belonged. Imagine us marela thakela audience. #wyr

On the whole a must avoidable film. #wyr

On the good side mum slept thru the film. Thank God she didn’t watch it or else I wud have ended up as the Dasera non veg dish at home.#wyr

And so I have come to this conclusion; I am one of those special breed of individuals who attract drama. Basically Drama * heart * Me. No matter how hard I try, how much conscious effort I put in, be as much sober as possible, drama still manages to sniff me out in a crowd and comes lusting like a puppy dog who just spotted its demented owner.

You think I am exaggerating? how’s this for an example;

Couple of days ago, I was at a restaurant, entertaining a fantastic person from out-of-town. Now everything was going as smoothly as possible. Drinking…shinking…eating…weating…breezy conversations flowing. A simply perfect evening. But na…drama,you see, my friend, just had to intrude.

As if with an invisible sign board nailed on top of my head, reading “Yes! Yes! Yes! It is me you are looking for” – I get spotted…err…sorry slash that….I get pointed at from a distance by this lean, grungy, tall man. Now before you think hanky panky…let me add, drunk too. Yup, drunk to the extent that it would give a skunk the stinking complex.

So daru uncleji walks up to my table, yes with his pointed finger and non-stop verbal diaherra in full flow – “Yes, you are one. It is you I want. Can I sit down? (Clearly formality, because buttocks were already down before the question was asked) I am doing a reality show and I want you in it. You have to be in it. I spotted you from the door and had to come in, you have to be on my show. Akshay Kumar is going to host. He is a good friend; you know…you know Rajiv Bhatia. He is the host. And guess what…I also have Mika. It’s a very unique show. Mind blowing concept. And you have to be in it.”

If you want me to be absolutely honest, then yes…for a moment I was intrigued. I mean…me on a reality show. I mean Akshay Kumar. And gawd oh gawd Mikaaaaaa. So I let myself drift away…okay…ya I had already signed a big budget film with Salman Khan in my unconscious state of mind…like I care what you think.

Me – “What is this show about? Something on the lines of Khatron Ke Khilidi?”

Daru uncleji – “Na na…this is a brilliant unique concept. And I want you in it.”

Me – “Okay so what is it?”

*drums rolling *

Daru uncleji – “It’s about people who get into messy situations. I mean absolutely messy. And you have to be in it.”

Before I could utter the next word, my dearest companion who until now was busy grinning and giggling….butted in – “So you think she is someone who gets into messy situations?”

Yup….perfect!…No, with a friend like this who needs PR agent?

Daru Uncleji – “(As if he’d not heard a word) I want you on the show. I think you have it all it takes to be on this show.”

Me – “So you think I have all the messy qualities?”

Daru Uncleji – “No no…I want you on the show. Give me a miss call on my cell. You know Arman *****? You know him….he is my brother. Arman ***** is my brother. He is producing the show. We have Rajiv Bhatia. He loved the concept. Big TV channel is in it as well. You have to be on the show. Call on my cell.”

And then abruptly, pointing happens once again. But not me this time but my bad bad PR Agent. Drunken uncleji points at my friend…”But not you. You don’t call me. I only want her”.

PR Agent aka Friend (grinning cheek to cheek) – “Why? I don’t look messy enough?”

Realizing rather a little late that this was a drunken man we were dealing with, after all. I decided to cut the conversation as politely as possible… Being called a perfect messy candidate by a drunk guy is not exactly something you could brag about all the way home…last thing I wanted was the world to know about it.

So I take daru uncleji’s cell number. Pretend dialled it. And conveniently blamed bad network for call fail and needless to say, I gave my best assurance look and promised to call later.

Which of course I didn’t. And as damn luck would have it, while syncing my spanking new BlackBerry Gemini (oh yeeeeaaaaahhhh it’s awesome) I lost a few contacts and daru uncleji happened to be one of them.

And with that went away my only chance of starring opposite Salman Khan (Damn you Katrina Kaif!). Talk about drama pe drama.

Ankhahi yeh kahani, bin kahe hai sunaani,
Lab pe khamoshiyan hain, ashko mein hai rawani,
Saanso ke silsile thamne lage,
Lafzo ke sab diye bujhne lage,
Lamho ki aag mein kuch yu jala, main apne aap se bhi kho gaya,

Main chala..main chala..main chala..
Main chala…aaaaa… [Lyrics : Main Chala]

The film maybe an absolute dump but this song has been stuck in my head from the time I first heard it. Maybe its the rains or the frame of mind or the morning’s first hot black coffee, whatever it is…this song somehow manages to zip you out of the trance and gently slap you with reality. So me thinks. Or maybe me thinking too much?!

Anyhoo will leave you with the space to make your own interpretation. Nevertheless, enjoy the song. 

Obviously, there’s more to it than what meets the eye but I prefer keeping things simple. So…

Yes, I did manage to get another date

Yes, I did once again wait for hours (almost eternity though, it felt like)

Yes, I did get the interview

Yes, I did feel like crap considering, it lasted barely 20 minutes when it took 3 weeks of mental and physical exhaustion to get it

Yes, I did feel nothing when it was published (with absolute no editing) because there was nothing left to feel anymore

Yes, I stand by my renewed opinion; the woman is exactly what she portrays to be – A Drama Queen (unfortunately for her the act seems to have taken over her soul) 

Yes, the timing couldn’t be more perfect… what with people hooked on to Madam Sawant’s another InYourFace theatrics – Rakhi Ka Swayamvara – which needless to say is nothing but a farce. The woman isn’t going to marry anybody simply because she isn’t stupid (even if she manages to give Blond jokes a serious run for their money).

Yes, I am no longer her fan

And yes, before I wrap up with pasting the said published article (Verve, September 2008 Issue), I would like to share the credit with the one person who was very much a part of my ordeal from start to finish. *To you (and you know who you are), this wouldn’t have been possible without you, so thank you*

I am not saying in any sense that what happened what’s happening in Sydney Melbourne can be excused & thereby forgotten but the whole object behind this post is to ask (few) intellectual people to stop forming judgment on this “country” on the basis of what is written in the papers and spoken by other intellectual individuals like them and to stop generalizing the entire “Australian community” as being racist. [….]

This was my standpoint in 2005 and in 2009, I continue to believe the same. Australia was home to me for 8 years,crucial growing up years to say the least, from the age of 16 to 23. A country of many firsts for me – first job, first car, reality checks, happy hour nights @ Uni bar, bunking work for a sun tan, crazy Halloween parties, generous tips during holiday season (Worked as a waitress in an Indian Curry House), toilet cleaning (part of my job profile @ Burger King), introduction to R&B, weekend movie marathons, my closest friends & best flat mates ever, two white Australian lads, Dave & Elliot – so as is obvious by now, this is an emotional topic for me. And yes, touchy too. O Boy, it pisses me no ends, reading headlines tagging Australia, one of the safest countries in today’s times, as racist.

To explain it in simple words – I consider myself as much an Ozzie as an Indian. Australia(ns?) and my experiences there have a lot to do with what I am today, not by monetary value or stature, but as a human being. Some may argue that I was plain lucky, but let me assure you that there are many many more falling within the same “lucky” bracket then those falling outside it.

I am obviously not implying that they sit on their arses and do jack shit – The Australian government & authorities are very capable and follow the rules by the book – and those responsible will be punished appropriately (sorry but yes, I have more faith in their judicial system than in ours… do you blame me?).

So for now let’s just stop magnifying every small incident to the size of a mammoth racial calamity. And then haven’t you heard?- people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

What’s worse – when your lover leaves you because they have fallen out of love OR when they walk away because they can no longer handle the external pressure (example; family, society, friends, etc)?

For the longest time I believed that nothing could be worse than the first scenario. I mean think about it; you make someone fall in love with you and then be capable enough to make them fall out of love with you. Yes agreed it is a reality of many broken relationships but honestly I never thought this would ever happen with me. Seriously, who could fall out of love with ME? I mean it is ME they are in love with.

Yup yup, this inflated was my ego. Then BANG! And by Gawd what a reality check it was.

But then I have firsthand experience in the second scenario as well. And no, I am not referring to countless Bollywood flicks on the same topic, I have watched over the years. However I have noticed that people are somewhat sympathetic towards breakers (the ones who initiate the breakup) of this type-situation. Often you hear them saying – He/she madly loved her/him but sacrificed it for family ….I at times find it amusing though. I mean, is it really that easy to make heroes out of ordinary folks?

On comparing the two I see this – For me both situations had been equally miserable. The pain was intense and life felt like an absolute dump. After all a break up is a break up is a break up. And they are never easy.

But do I blame the other…..Nope. How come? Because I am a saint who firmly believes that there are plenty of other fishes in the sea. * wink * * wink *

Tomorrow off to Paris, Disney Land with the kids. Not mine. My brother’s. Good to have things cleared out no? Anyway will be back to blogging very soon. Till then be naughty.

In random order…

You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol (***keep the tissue box handy)

Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt (*** his best ever, me thinks)

Just Another Day by John Secada

You Were Meant For Me by Jewel (*** where the heck has she disappeared)

Mar Jawan from the film Fashion

Aur Ahista Kijiye Baatiein by Pankaj Udhas (***had a major crush on the Aussie bloke in the video)

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol (***perfect proposal song, don’t ya think?)

Rehna Tu from the film Delhi 6

Slave To Love by Bryan Ferry (***classic 80’s number)

Dilemma by Nelly & Kelly (***my all time favorite R&B track)

Stepping Stone by Duffy (***freaking amazing voice)

Use Somebody by Kings of Leon

The Little Things by Colbie Caillat

Eternal Flame by Bangles

I Bruise Easily by Natasha Bedingfield

And while I continue with the mushiness all through the day, please feel free to contribute to the list.

Me – So I met this person at the party I went last night to. Exchanged numbers and got a sms at 4 am, saying “You looked beautiful last night”.

Friend – Awwww…so sweet.

Me – Argghhh! Na….it’s such a turn off.

Friend – Whot! Being called beautiful.

Me – Hell ya! Call me anything but that.

Friend – I thought you were finicky only about smells.

Me – Well I am about that and this. It’s simple; call me sexy and smell delicious and you will have me searching for a bed.

Friend – You sound so loose!

Me – Nope me just honest….

Seriously though I find the word “beautiful” nothing but a turn off. I mean throw something like sexy, hot, gorgeous and you will have me roll around like an obedient puppy dog. Plus it has kind-da Sati Savitrish ring to it, don’t you think? Or I guess nearing 30 has something do with it, for fuck sake I will even accept cute but the B word is a definite No No.

On the topic of Turn On and Offs, here’s my list since I have nothing better to do. But then again this is my property and free publicity does no harm, right o?

So here we go… (In random order)

Smell – Very important. Get this right and 50% job is done.

Butt – Not too round (J Lo kind) not too small (SRK kind)….in between is just perfect.

(Gee…I such a doggy dog person, look at points 1 & 2)

Good listener – Not that I always have something important to say…it’s just that I talk a lot. And I am not exaggerating when I say, A LOT.

Ah those sexy moves – Match up my stamina on the dance floor and you have me impressed. (Expertise in Lap Dance earns you an extra brownie point)

Must love 80s Pop – Yup, I am still crazy about Madonna, Pet Shop Boys, George Micheal, and but of course the King of Pop Music aka Michael Jackson.

Movie Buff – I am not very picky in this category. Any genre of movie works for me. But yes, Bollywood crazy fetches an extra brownie. And if horror crazy, dude consider it a done deal.

Okay….guess this is enough. Can’t really place all my cards on the table, now can I? For the rest you gotto work it baby.

And at the expense of sounding a bit raunchy, here’s an apt video for the moment.