The Messy Kind

Okay, so this has forever been my mantra – I am simple …like to keep my life simple. As much possible. However, as they say, reality bites and guess what? I am no exception to this rule. Those close to me think otherwise; complicated is what I get often tagged as. But believe me, simplicity is what I strive for and yet complication is the end result. Thirty years of this routine is pretty good testing ground, don’t you think?

And so I have come to this conclusion; I am one of those special breed of individuals who attract drama. Basically Drama * heart * Me. No matter how hard I try, how much conscious effort I put in, be as much sober as possible, drama still manages to sniff me out in a crowd and comes lusting like a puppy dog who just spotted its demented owner.

You think I am exaggerating? how’s this for an example;

Couple of days ago, I was at a restaurant, entertaining a fantastic person from out-of-town. Now everything was going as smoothly as possible. Drinking…shinking…eating…weating…breezy conversations flowing. A simply perfect evening. But na…drama,you see, my friend, just had to intrude.

As if with an invisible sign board nailed on top of my head, reading “Yes! Yes! Yes! It is me you are looking for” – I get spotted…err…sorry slash that….I get pointed at from a distance by this lean, grungy, tall man. Now before you think hanky panky…let me add, drunk too. Yup, drunk to the extent that it would give a skunk the stinking complex.

So daru uncleji walks up to my table, yes with his pointed finger and non-stop verbal diaherra in full flow – “Yes, you are one. It is you I want. Can I sit down? (Clearly formality, because buttocks were already down before the question was asked) I am doing a reality show and I want you in it. You have to be in it. I spotted you from the door and had to come in, you have to be on my show. Akshay Kumar is going to host. He is a good friend; you know…you know Rajiv Bhatia. He is the host. And guess what…I also have Mika. It’s a very unique show. Mind blowing concept. And you have to be in it.”

If you want me to be absolutely honest, then yes…for a moment I was intrigued. I mean…me on a reality show. I mean Akshay Kumar. And gawd oh gawd Mikaaaaaa. So I let myself drift away…okay…ya I had already signed a big budget film with Salman Khan in my unconscious state of mind…like I care what you think.

Me – “What is this show about? Something on the lines of Khatron Ke Khilidi?”

Daru uncleji – “Na na…this is a brilliant unique concept. And I want you in it.”

Me – “Okay so what is it?”

*drums rolling *

Daru uncleji – “It’s about people who get into messy situations. I mean absolutely messy. And you have to be in it.”

Before I could utter the next word, my dearest companion who until now was busy grinning and giggling….butted in – “So you think she is someone who gets into messy situations?”

Yup….perfect!…No, with a friend like this who needs PR agent?

Daru Uncleji – “(As if he’d not heard a word) I want you on the show. I think you have it all it takes to be on this show.”

Me – “So you think I have all the messy qualities?”

Daru Uncleji – “No no…I want you on the show. Give me a miss call on my cell. You know Arman *****? You know him….he is my brother. Arman ***** is my brother. He is producing the show. We have Rajiv Bhatia. He loved the concept. Big TV channel is in it as well. You have to be on the show. Call on my cell.”

And then abruptly, pointing happens once again. But not me this time but my bad bad PR Agent. Drunken uncleji points at my friend…”But not you. You don’t call me. I only want her”.

PR Agent aka Friend (grinning cheek to cheek) – “Why? I don’t look messy enough?”

Realizing rather a little late that this was a drunken man we were dealing with, after all. I decided to cut the conversation as politely as possible… Being called a perfect messy candidate by a drunk guy is not exactly something you could brag about all the way home…last thing I wanted was the world to know about it.

So I take daru uncleji’s cell number. Pretend dialled it. And conveniently blamed bad network for call fail and needless to say, I gave my best assurance look and promised to call later.

Which of course I didn’t. And as damn luck would have it, while syncing my spanking new BlackBerry Gemini (oh yeeeeaaaaahhhh it’s awesome) I lost a few contacts and daru uncleji happened to be one of them.

And with that went away my only chance of starring opposite Salman Khan (Damn you Katrina Kaif!). Talk about drama pe drama.