Are You A Spoon?
Relationships. They can be so messy. Two people, two minds, two different points of view. One direction, and so many ways to get there. Question is - how much of yourself are you willing to let go, how much are you willing to give up of your views? Change?
The ones that truly last require a totally different bent of mind. What it all really comes down to is that you have got to be willing to bend over, and stack up. You have got to be a spoon.
In your relationship, do you get angry with an eye on the solution, are your fights directed to a solution?
When your partner’s talking, do you really listen? Or do you cut them in between with the thing you “simply forgot” to do?
Do you even get the term “for keeps” or do you understand it as “for keeps for now”?
How often do you think that “if this relationship doesn’t work out, at least i’ll have had something beautiful in my life.” If you can’t seem to see the problem with that line, then read it again. If you still can’t get it, then you’re no spoon.
I’ve come to realise that a succesful relationship has got less to do with the people in it, and more to do with their attitude in general. It’s like going to mall to browse for something that may catch your fancy, or refusing to shop in a mall because you know exactly what you want to buy, and where to buy it from, and where you won’t have to pay extra to keep the escalators operational. You know what you want, and the best way to get it. And nothing’s going to stop you from getting it. And no, you’re not shopping, you’re fulfilling a need.
I’ve seen way too many couples fall out of love, and way too many break up. I’ve seen many try their luck everywhere, throwing their hands here and there in an effort to get someone. I’ve seen people fall out of love based on a suspicion. I’ve seen the seemingly perfect couple reach the end of the road because of boredom. And I’ve seen some maligned for their lack of interest shown in them by others. Shit happens. All the time. But how many of us learn our lessons? Like, it needn’t have ended. All we needed to do was dip our heads in a basin of cold water, rearrange the way a few nerves are placed, and bring about a fundamental change to our thinking. Our thinking that makes us realise:
That love is not an inconvenience
That simply by making a choice keeping in mind your partner, you’re not changing yourself
That waking up next to the person you love is truly the one thing you should have throughout your life
That saying you’re sorry every now and then will help you get that
And finally, that you’re not any less of yourself if all you want out of life is to keep someone else happy
We all have a right to express our views. In many instances; it will be against ours and in some; with us. To hear them out is 'decency' but to let them get to you is 'weakness'. 
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Comments
14 comments | Leave your comment
Aug 1st, 2008 at 2:13 am | #
Well written. Especially the last line. But aren’t
“how much of yourself are you willing to let go, how much are you willing to give up of your views? Change? ” and
“That simply by making a choice keeping in mind your partner, you’re not changing yourself” a bit contradicting?
Aug 1st, 2008 at 4:07 am | #
Wow, that a nice, heart warming, intelligent post. Its really very interesting. Most complicated of things are actually very simple in life. Its just that we somehow lose the interest to work towards it, to really understand it. There is one line which my friend had written which I do remind myself again and again “The more personal you write, the more universal it gets”. This simple line again shows that at the fundamental level we all are so same, we all want our share of love, warmth, affection, caring and sharing. But at the same time, its how much we can give? We expect things but don’t necessarily are interested in giving it. Selflessness in love really takes it to heights one cannot imagine. Again, its easier said than done.
According to me the most basic & the difficult problem after a while in relationships, is we really take it for granted. We just expect the other person to understand our moods, our anger, our joy, our arrogance, our misbehavior without trying to explain it. And therein lies the flaw. Therein the relationship takes a different turn.
Bottom-line is everyone has to make a effort, both partners have to constantly work towards making the relationship sustainable and more beautiful. It can be done and it can be very enriching.
Aug 1st, 2008 at 5:26 am | #
applause
-Nikhil
Aug 1st, 2008 at 7:19 am | #
Good point Saks, relationship is not the easiest of things and a person really needs patience to deal with it.
Aug 1st, 2008 at 9:46 am | #
a huge amen to that.. livin it and lovin it..touchwood
PS: am extremely curious, did this have anything to do with an interview you were supposed to do?
Aug 2nd, 2008 at 6:20 am | #
I believe love, relationship and such like are simply over rated.
Aug 4th, 2008 at 1:22 pm | #
The thoughts in this post are neatly put down.
I believe that you dont necessarily have to be a doormat to have a successful relationship. If you have fallen in love for all the right reasons, and spend enough time in making the foundation of the relationship, then there are less chances of the life getting wasted in it..
Yes it is more to do with the attitude of the people, and the day people realise that egos are not what keep you happy when you are 60 and alone, they will learn how to have good relationships!
Aug 4th, 2008 at 1:51 pm | #
For me this para worked the best.
How often do you think that “if this relationship doesn’t work out, at least i’ll have had something beautiful in my life.” If you can’t seem to see the problem with that line, then read it again. If you still can’t get it, then you’re no spoon.
It kind of brought out the throw away principle that most of us live with. We are so ready to give up when things reach bottom most level forgetting that relationships need work and commitment, like everything else.
Aug 5th, 2008 at 5:44 am | #
I have so much to say… and now its all in my head. this was well written, more importantly well thought. it struck a chord with me, and im guessing nearly everyone who would read it…
Aug 5th, 2008 at 8:51 am | #
What a lovely post! And errm…I can’t help adding…you’ve got to be a spoon but spooning can be fun too!
Aug 5th, 2008 at 4:02 pm | #
very well written post!
Adjustment and Understanding is what makes for a successful relationship. NOT being the person who gives 300% where the other person gives 0%.
Aug 6th, 2008 at 1:16 am | #
That said, I also think that the only time one can truly understand how difficult it is to even find starting chemistry with another person is when you’ve been through a period of singledom coupled with trying to look for someone you can acutally love. It puts SO much into perspective as far as your next relationship goes.
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