The ‘M’ Word Part 8: On A Bridal Spree

It’s kind of hard to believe that I belong to the same culture whose women were blessed with a pre-marriage custom, popularly known as “the Swayamvar”. Be it Indumathi, Sita and Draupathi; all they were expected to do was look pretty and walk down the aisle with a bulky garland in hand, while the prospective bridegrooms were put through various tests in order to prove their worth in the eyes of their desired princess. Now whatever happened to the after-marriage lives of some of these women (vanvaas, agni pariksha & polyandry), I shall ignore for the convenience of this post.

But as it is often said, “all good things come to an end” similarly the time-honoured practice of Swayamvar went through drastic changes, slowly and gradually tilting more and more in the favour of the opposite sex. Garlands got replaced with “chai ki thali” and instead of the man; the probable bride is the one who gets checked out by the groom and his entire khandan. The eligible bachelor has the liberty of interrogating as many potential wives before selecting the one. My cousin brother zipped through 39 finally settling down with my sister-in-law, the 40^th arranged proposal on his list. Whereas for my bhabi, he was the first and the last.

And this number game according to me is quite skewed.

Today, despite an updated version of arranged marriage floating around, number game works more in favour of men. For instance, if a man goes through multiple proposals he is usually perceived as being picky (irrespective of whether he was the one rejecting or he was being rejected). You see, he is given the benefit of the doubt.

But when it comes to a marriageable age woman, it’s a completely different ball-game. A woman is expected to get hitched within the first couple of proposals that knock on her door. And God forbid if she exceeds beyond number five. Because unlike the opposite gender, she is not looked at as being choosey but rather possessing certain un-desirable traits. “Zaroor ladki main koi khot hai” and such phrases become a regular association from thereon.

With every increase in number, the groom becomes more desirable in the arranged-marriage market. On the other hand for the bride-to-be this increase only amounts to more pressure from the society, relatives and her very own.

Ironic isn’t it? In comparison to the good-old Swayamvar days, wherein the woman had an upper hand and could well afford to be choosy, today she completely lacks the liberty to reject suitors in quick succession without having her character crucified. Whereas a man can go ‘shopping’ for his bride without any sense of urgency, the woman must sit demurely on display, and wait to be picked. No wonder it’s called the marriage market.