Without beating about the bush, I shall state the agenda of this post right at the very start.
Are you comfortable being friends with an *Ex?
(*Ex refers to someone you had been in a relationship with for a considerable length of time; intimacy being the prime ingredient.)
We all know, “there are always two sides of a coin”, obviously here too we have two sets of beliefs:
a) Yes, we should be friends. How can you not?
and
b) No, we cannot be friends. How can you?
With respect to the first lot: two of my very dear friends are very much in touch with their ex-partners. They are in fact, quite chummy with them. When I ask them how they manage to keep apart their former feelings from friendship, “maturity”, a one-word reply is what I get. According to them to completely disconnect themselves from the one you once cherished is unnatural.
Although, they agree that friendship among exes is a zone that very few can actually inhabit and it depends upon one’s willingness to inhabit it. For them, being friends is a way of honouring what they had and giving themselves their due.
As oppose to the above; you have folks like yours truly who are completely against the idea of having anything to do with exes, even if it means just a “Hi-Hello” kinda friendship.
My stand on this matter is quite straightforward – I wish them well, a happy future and other similar garb (stop laughing, I really do) but I don’t really need their happiness to be rubbed in my face. And this rule I follow with respect to mutual breakups as well.
The logic here is simple: no matter what kind of breakup, one party is bound to be more hurt than the other. And if you are the “other” party, then it maybe (slightly) easier for you to get into the “zone”, but it may not be the same if you’re the one left with a stinging heartache.
But I guess relationships are much easier experienced than summed up neatly in a few hundred words, and at the end it all boils down to an individual’s own way of coping and moving on.
Comments
12 comments | Add your comment »
Sameer Panchangam
Apr 18th, 2008 at 11:59 am | #
chandni
Apr 18th, 2008 at 3:29 pm | #
hey….
I am from the zone that believes exes can be friends
if and only if both have moved on…or it might end up with more heart ache to the still dealing with things…
I am best friends with an ex who now shares his love woes with me!! may be strange to you…but its comfortable for us…I can tell him anything…even talk about the past but yes, its a diff zone
Melody
Apr 18th, 2008 at 4:45 pm | #
erm… why is “Sameer Panchangam” of the first comment all
that you’re not talking to your ex-es??? hmmmmm
phoenix
Apr 18th, 2008 at 10:12 pm | #
Hey, don’t have that much of an experience dealing with exes, though I have friends who had huge crushes on me and I turned them down at some point causing massive heartaches and jeopardising the friendshio then etc, but even with them I can talk now, at least at a surface level. More broadly, I think exes can be friends after a certain time lag, because time heals a lot, and it would be easy if both of them have moved on and found new people
Sameer Panchangam
Apr 19th, 2008 at 4:05 am | #
Yeah! That’s an excellent point @phoenix; I completely second that!
Sumit
Apr 19th, 2008 at 12:12 pm | #
This is a topic that warrants a massive debate. Next time I hit Bombay.
devesh
Apr 19th, 2008 at 10:58 pm | #
Hmm it’s funny I spotted this on your blog today, just yesterday I was having the same conversation with a mate of mine
For me particularly it has just turned out so that I’ve been in touch with most of my exes – not immediately (for obvious reasons) – but eventually we’ve crossed paths and decided to be “mature” about it – and it’s been great
IdeaSmith
Apr 22nd, 2008 at 8:02 am | #
It also depends on the ex- in question and the relationship the two of you shared and how it ended and your common friends and the state of the Indian economy…oh let’s stop. Having a relationship is enough work, who’s got the time and energy to run it after it’s dead? So there.
Sameer Panchangam
Apr 22nd, 2008 at 8:35 am | #
By the way, did you guys observe this post has a tag : WORLD CRISIS !!
Haha!
Saakshi O. Juneja
Apr 23rd, 2008 at 5:48 am | #
Sameer Panchangam – Why? Don’t you think it is justified in the World Crisis category.
Sameer Panchangam
Apr 23rd, 2008 at 6:21 am | #
I’d say Personal Crisis, would be more appropriate.
Examples of World crisis – Water Crisis/Energy Crisis/Nuclear War…..and so on!
Mit
Apr 23rd, 2008 at 12:50 pm | #
A very sensitive topic sakshi…but phoenix has stated it as simply as it can get. time does heal things…with time, the person who was hurt the most at the time of breakup will also have moved on hopefully…if not, s/he must really be in a depression…and we all have this inquisitive nature somewhere in us which wants us to know how are things with the ex…so a hi/hello after few months/years is perfectly natural…i dont have personal experiences to back this up, but I dont think one needs them either.