Jodhaa Akbar And So Much More.

Cutting a long story short – I found Ashutosh Gowariker’s interpretation of a historical love story, Jodhaa Akbar, just to be an average Joe’s flick. Attention worthy only in certain bits and pieces otherwise a tad too boring and bloody hell too long.

On the positive side; the leading pair has given a decent performance and needless to say, Hrthik Roshan (despite the flaring nostrils) & Aishwarya Rai Bachchan both look nothing less than a priceless work of art.

For a detailed review, I recommend reading Meetu’s post on 2008’s first big budget Bollywood release.

Now moving on the lighter side; here are some (bizarre but related) thoughts which in many ways helped me stay glued to the cinema seat in the otherwise tiresome film.

*Warning – Spoilers ahead, so stop here if you ain’t the spoiler reading kind.

1. If you have grown up reading Tinkle Comics, then you are bound to relate to many characters in the film – be it name wise (example, Todar Mal & Mullah Do Pyaaza) or look wise (example, a perfectly round bellied dukandar with the trademark miser tattooed on his forehead).

2. For some reason, my friend kept asking me “Where’s Birbal re?” practically the entire film.

3. Bad Foreplay – the picturization of “In Lamhon Ke Daaman Mein” song. No offence, agreed it was aesthetically beautiful but definitely not practically viable. For example,

- Lover boy standing behind Lover girl, both with their eyes closed and ridiculously horny expressions on their faces for almost 120 seconds.

- Lover boy smelling Lover girl’s skull hair and Lover girl sniffing Lover boy’s chest hair (Now I really don’t understand the pleasure in doing this).

- The done-to-death, “You can fly” Titanic scene – Lover Boy (again) standing behind Love Girl, both with their hands stretched out. I mean seriously, this is just so passé.

(In case you are wondering, yes I too am a romantic at heart but I also believe in action.)

4. To Make Failing Marriage Work – Couples should devote at least an hour a week on sword-fight sessions.

- Quality time spent together.

- Excellent foreplay method.

- And in case, it’s seriously not working you have a perfect alibi for murder.

5. Ekta Kapoor would be so proud of Maham Anga (evil mother-in-law) and equally disappointed in Mallika Hamida Banu (devi saman mother-in-law).

6. Sajan beemar aur Sajni bhage prabhu ke dwar. Phir ek raat ki baat aur Sajan back in full avatar – So darn typical of Bollywood films, I tell ya.

7. There were moments when I found myself thinking - now they will shed their clothes and now they will get jiggy on “Dhoom machale dhoom”.

And last but certainly not the least (I am suppose to be working yaar)…..

8. War soldiers – No exaggeration here but seriously, my 11 year old niece plays Dandiya Raas more rigorously than Mr. Gowariker’s army dudes.

[Ps – For (more) lucrative fun read, you could head here.]

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