But Who’s Blaming the Victims?

I think the fault lies with DesiPundit’s Lekhi who has made this erroneous statement:

“Sakshi, interestingly, seems to lay at least some of the blame on the victims.”

In her eagerness to show different sides to the story, she has taken you completely out of context and mixed one part of your post with another,

In your post, you first talked about the molestation incident, and then went onto the other thing that irritated you:

“Another thing that really pisses me off is to see women drunk to death. At the hotel where we were partying, no exaggeration here; there were more women literally puking their guts out in comparison to men”

‘The girl from Ipanema’ rightly pointed this out in the very first comment there, so it is sad and surprising to see that nothing has been done about it.

The moderators at DesiPundit really should take a look at what the new “guest contributors” are upto if this sort of this can be allowed.

It is in effect spoiling your reputation online, which is ridiculous as you are not saying what Lekhni is purporting you to say!

Incidentally, I’d like to add (mainly for the benefit of some people who are only too ready to put others down), that when I saw the DesiPundit post, my first reaction was “Sakshi, how could you blame the VICTIMS????”

I was very upset with Sakshi (& called her at once to tell her that), even while opening her post in another window.

By this time, I had realized that Sakshi wasn’t blaming the victims at all ! She was making a separate point about doing what one can to be safe in the midst of madness.

One can only hope that moderators at DesiPundit can understand the meaning of people’s posts before they link to it here with any title that suits their fancy.

Sakshi, seriously you shouldn’t bother yourself what some morons think in regards to your post. What you have written is true the last word; people need to think and act maturely.

As you stated in your comment on Desi Pundit, the fogginess seems to be at their end and not in your mind or those who agree with you.

Good job girl, keep it up.

I thought the point you made was clear enough in the first post itself. But such is the public outrage and hysteria surrounding such incidents that people get carried away. Perfectly well meaning and balanced views are faced with accusing fingers. Had you been a guy the outcry would have been worse, unfortunately.

As you mixed both wines into one bottle in the last post, its quite easy to perceive that, you are indirectly blaming the ladies as they were drunk. I am pretty sure a large share of your readers might have had a similar thought.

In the ‘Interview with God’ article, I read that ‘Two people can look at the same thing and see it differently’. Thats what happened here. Thanks to Medy for sharing that link.

Matt

Your point was clear enough to those who cared to take a moment to read your post before posting the stock “don’t blame the victims” comment.

This allegation of “blaming the victims” is nothing new in the context of rape incidents. Every time a rape or molestation incident happens, and someone says that women should be extra careful, there seem to be dozens of people (sadly, mostly women) who would jump on that person for blaming the victim.

Just ignore them.

As you said, one can keep trying to bring about an attitudinal change, while at the same time not doing things that would put one at risk right now.

Incidentally, your analogy about drinking+driving and wearing a condom is rather weak Those warnings are forever, no amount of attitudinal change is going to make it safe to drink and drive, or to have unprotected sex!

Sakshi, looking at your writing in toto, I can guess you didn’t mean to blame the victims. But – when you put in those two things into one post, it appeared as though you were implying that the two women were too drunk to take care of themselves. I wouldn’t therefore blame anyone for getting to that conclusion. Infact what Melody mentions about “mixing one part of your post with another” – well, there didn’t appear to be a clear line between the two. So, sometimes, I think its ok to acknowledge that while it may not be your intention, people could genuinely misread it. There’s no need for readers to call them morons and so on. (Not that you have any control over it, I suppose)

hmm..Sakshi, surely did seem like you were!

1) I guess its understandable that you didn’t intend to blame the victims, I wouldn’t expect you to – after all arnt you a feminist? But it is sad that a vast majority of the people seem to think that going out a new year’s eve and getting out on the road to go to the beach is an unwise decision! It certainly seems like an indirect attribution of the blame to the victims. Yes it is generally better to be safe than sorry – but I don’t think that ‘really’ applies here. Post this incident, the police were quoted as saying – ‘keep your wives and sisters at home if you want them safe’ – what do you make of that statement? Your post somehow seems to be resonating that thought. There are plenty of euphemisms in your post to suggest the same. I am not saying that that was your intention, but if very many people seem to be getting that impression from your writing, then don’t you think there could be a chance that something in your post seems to trigger that opinion.

2) As for your point on binge drinking – enough has been said about the rather unnecessary correlation of the 2. Sorry to be pedantic tho, but this line – ‘there were more women literally puking their guts out in comparison to men’ !!!! what’s the idea of comparison there?? Now really what is it that you wish to suggest ??

And like Apu points out, I don’t think any body who disagreed with your pov has anything personal against you (me included), so really one can be graceful in accepting that people have different pov’s (and I don’t mean you weren’t) instead of being too defensive and at times being offensive in the process of being defensive!

Saks like some others here I to believe that your point was clear in the first post itself and you should simply ignore those who insist of taking it differently.

Its easy for these people to sit in front of a computer and punch hard on their keyboards and talk about equality and all but in reality never bother to do anything about it. I wonder how many of these men (and women) would be comfortable in watching their sister, wife or girl friends drunk to the core and walking about mindlessly in the company of strangers. Screw that, I wouldn’t even like it if my brother or boy friend is pissed out of senses.

Its ironic that these people fail to see that it’s not equality its about safety. As you said we must raise our voices against such crimes but on the other hand we have to act responsible as well because there are many who do not walk around with moralistic values like us. The world is full of bad people and that is a reality which cannot be ignored.

Hi Sakshi,
You might have seen at Falstaff’s. Just wanted to drop a hi , it felt a bit uneasy referring to you as if you were a book. Sorry.

Well, the post was loud and clear. But people want to fish they’ll fish anything.
cheers

Saakshi I think you should just ignore these fools and go about your everyday blogging. As someone said earlier those who want to diss will do so no matter what. So babes just ignore and keep it going.

I think you were making a general observation and speaking of everyday precaution, not long-term solutions (that’s precisely what I’ve done as well). To those of us who know you personally, there isn’t any doubt about what you meant. But I guess these are open to interpretation (and misinterpretation) as well. Still…blogging is about freedom of speech and opinion and in your own words, “Each to its own!”