Mumbai Molestation: Better Sense Must Prevail

First off, as a Bombayite one is only too aware of the ‘pervs’ but it’s embarrassing nonetheless when this kind of shit hits the headlines. Totally agree with you on taking control or rather not putting yourself in a situation where you lose control. Sadly, these people were apparently NRIs (?) and not really streetwise. Maybe the hotel staff could have warned these people. Tourists in places like Rio are only too aware of the dangers and know better than to take risks. I think the danger with Bombay is that it’s largely regarded as ’safe’, maybe we should stop harping about that so much.

I agree with you. Though nothing can justify what happened and we don’t know if these girls were drunk, people should be more careful especially at a time like new years when the danger of such incidents is much more.

I was at the same place with my friends that night. Thankfully, we left a little early at 1:15 AM! And we didn’t even think of going out on the road. There were hordes of people everywhere.

Very well put forward…. I couldn’t agree more with you. As much as I’m mad at the behaviour of these (insert profanity here) men, I’m non-pleasantly surprised at how some people think it’s cool to get drunk and wasted. I dont get the point of getting wasted. Enjoy, but know your limit and stay in your senses, folks! Lest you couldn’t care less about what happens to you next. Its stupid, not cool.

thanks for that .slightly off topic but there is no way a guy could have written that in the Indian blogosphere without a million gaurav sabnis like folks spawning blog posts off it

Telegraph has a good summary (here) of how we are doing as a country where women are concerned. We seem to be moving from bad to worse…

Sakshi - I agree that at no point of time is it a good idea to get drunk in a public place, certainly not to the extent where you cannot support yourself. But I don’t see how you could bring it up in the context of this incident. Are you saying the two women were extremely drunk and “therefore” could not resist a mob of 70 men?

Good post, Sakshi. You seem to be the only one talking about taking responsibility for one’s own safety. If Mumbai is safe, it’s bloody well because we take care of ourselves. And yeah, I was sooooo relieved I didn’t go waltzing down the road after the New Year’s party. Good sense doesn’t always prevail even in tough-bred Mumbaikers.

I think ‘Drinking within one’s limit and being in control’ applies both to men and women. Drinking oneself silly isn’t a pretty sight. But if a woman is completely drunk, why is it being held against her? It is her choice at the end of the day. I don’t see that happening with men. I know the practicalities. But by saying that a woman should be in control of oneself, we are again subtly passing the blame on the victim and not the victimiser. I believe, no one and no one has the right to violate anyone’s personal freedom and I think there needs to be a massive attitudinal change in this regard.

OMG!!!

And I thought that, Mumbai was safer for women in comparison to Delhi!!

It’s terribly sad, and I completely agree with you Sakshi when you said:

“The thing is - Sexually frustrated fuckers exist everywhere and though such tragedies don’t come with prior warnings, one must act responsible (towards themselves and their loved ones) and not get carried away in the moment.”

Lets hope..it doesn’t happen again..

Take care!

Ravi (a reader of your blog from New Delhi)

I understand that attitudinal change is a wishful thinking. But just in case, such incidents happen again (even with me) I will not blame the women, whatever may be the case. Because in a very subtle way, we are ratifying what the men do which is so unfair. I agree attitudinal changes don’t happen overnight. But we can always make a beginning somewhere.

Sakshi, you’ve said it! Again! ?

The fact that Delhi is so unsafe, has also made women (I’d like to believe) a little smarter here. I think I speak for the average Delhi women when I say that I would have ignored those comments, and run away to safety – may be back into the hotel, into a taxi, etc. May be its time for us to share some of these learnings of our lifetime with our counterparts in super safe Bombay?!

Also, as far as being completely drunk is concerned - now I have ALWAYS wondered as to why is it that there is some much pressure on people to be completely drunk and out of one’s senses on New Year’s eve - why is this a measure of what a great time you must have had? And that would of course mean that you are so so cool!!! So cool that you can have people hit on you, have your boyfriend get into a brawl with someone for hitting on you, or worse get molested/raped.

However, just because a woman is drunk and has no clue of what’s going on around until its too late, doesn’t mean that men can behave atrociously or that the cops can stand on the sidelines saying that these women must have more sense.

Yes, we women need to be responsible for what we do, how we behave, avoid bad situations, etc etc etc, but so do men. No one can make you act a certain way just by the way they were dressed or were behaving or were out of control. I am tired of not being able to take a walk ALONE in front of my own house at 9:30 pm on a cold winter evening because its not safe – thanks to certain kinds of men that Delhi is afflicted with. Please note that on a cold winter evening at 9:30 pm in front of my house, I will (most likely) not be drunk or wearing clothes that leave little to imagination!

As the bloggers on BitchPhD eloquently put it

The problem when we engage in victim-blaming, we make a statement about what is “normal.” It is normal for women to be harassed, stalked and have their image misappropriated if they dare to have an online presence. That is a fait-accompli, a fact of life.

This applies to this situation as well so don’t fall prey to victim blaming.

I just came here from a link left on Searching for Crabshells.
I’m not sure if the ‘inappropriate clothes is valid though — if not anything else, ‘appropriate’ clothing doesn’t by any stretch gurantee that one won’t be subjected to street harassment.

is this purposefully in non-readable red background ?

Sakshi: Happy New year. Sadly 2008 begun distastefully and not with a happy smile for the 2 girls mentioned in the post above.
I agree with some of the things you have said above but it still angers me to no end to see how men can actually behave like ruthless animals even today.
Here we are thinking India is progressing in the 21st Century, but are we really? I don’t think so not by a long shot!
In fact, it makes me realise just how backdarwd and filthy the general population still is. it’s an edding disgrace this kind of society.
And lastly my pleading question: Why does it always have to be women being the victims, why why why??
And i absolutely concur with you on ur thoughts about girls making it their sole responsibility to behave in a manner that will not invite trouble by being smashed off their faces & letting men have the better of them.
Jeez, a horrilbe start to this year ain’t it just.

Cheers lovey.
xx

Our movies/ TV Serials don’t help either. Men are shown practically molesting the women and the woman finds this endearing.
Eve-teasing and molestation are depicted as courting rituals.

Makes me sick.

i seemed to have arrived a little late, but there are a few things i can’t keep myself from saying -

# the whole drinking till u r unconscious thing is slightly on a tangent to the issue at hand. and about that i agree with u. since u cannot change everyone around u, its only sensible to take care of urself.
# these women were not drunk out of their senses. they were with 2 men. isn’t that being careful enough? no woman shud have to walk around with 70+ women at her side to be able to defend her against a mob of another 70+ molesters. the fact that a whole mob of 70 did this without even one of them thinking that what the were doing is a criminal offense, speaks for the sad state of the country. in a situation like this, saying that the women shud be more careful is in a way saying that ‘boys will be boys’, so we girls shud stay at home to be safe

I think your post stinks. I am a 30 year old male, married and have a daughter too. Getting drunk out of their senses is not good for anyone, but why single out the women then?I would expect better sense from women, who are educated and well may I say empowered, please do not blame the vitims. Just cause you were lucky that somebody did not try to molest you infront of the hotel where you had your party does not mean that you have the right to blame the victims.

I am afraid I respectfully disagree Sakshi. I am tired of having to be responsible for the mob’s behaviour. These are two sober women out with two men. Should there be a night time curfew for women now?

And the same happened to me - at 6 pm .. in the evening.. at Andheri station. I was returning from work in office formals, not in the skimpy clothing argument ppl like to take refuge behind. Even so - are we to stop dressing as we please because the mob doesnt like it? Stepping out of the house without male company? Going to office in Western formals? I had my clothes ripped off by a mob of almost 30 men or so….

I wrote abt it here.

I think its sad that you think the women asked for it. So much for empowerment if stepping out past midnight on a well lit road leads to others saying we asked for it. Do rethink….

Writing about it here. anyone who feels my views are unreasonable, unacceptable are more than welcome to present their case.

point taken - and in fact apology in the offing

1. The Indians are a frustrated lot. In the name of tradition they keep their sexual feelings suppressed but again they get the wrong way of displaying them and also for the wrong reasons. 2. Groups like Shiv Sena have a strong hold in Mumbai. They are playing the role of Moral ploice here but its not to help in any ways. Its a secular,democratic country. Where from this bull-shit Sarkar Raj is coming from. Putting across Hindu specific laws in a secular country. Shiv Senas thoughts are similar to Taliban. There are 8 major religions and 100s of sub religions practised, 56 languages, 26 states and more than 100 million people but its amazing all have the same primitive thoughts and no zeal to fight against injustice. So Shiv Sena rules.