What’s Wrong With Compulsive Confessing?
On one side most of us so-called liberal thinkers advocate "Women Empowerment" but when it comes to actually practicing what one preaches, many from the above mentioned segment conveniently bury their faces in the sand of obsolete mentality. Remember the old-but-still-relevant controversy involving actress Khushboo and her thoughts on premarital sex. Even in this day-n-age, there is so much hypocrisy and double standards surrounding topics such as Sex, Physical Intimacy – it’s actually quite frustrating. Wonder why our society’s philosophy on empowerment starts at providing women with decent education and then abruptly ends when she starts expressing her individuality.
It’s so ironic na? Women who lose their virgin status before marriage are labeled as whores ,sluts and all sorts of other abusive terms one could think off. Her character depends on abstaining from sex. Whereas for the men, it’s more of a counting numbers game; the more they get in bed, the higher they climb the masculinity ladder. Just as women are under a great deal of stress to keep their pants on, men are under a lot of tension to take theirs off.
Just couple of days back, the Telegraph (UK) had a nice write-up on one of our Mumbai based blogger, eM who runs a popular blog called "Compulsive Confessor". Frankly speaking her writings are not for everyone and especially those who score a zilch in the humor factor. As an individual, I do not endorse many of her views (since I firmly believe matters of the bed should remain in the bed) but that doesn’t give me the right to be judgmental about her (personal) acts or her (personal) beliefs. I believe the world is large enough to accommodate all kinds – the introverts, the extroverts and the ones who fall in between and therefore we certainly do need the eM types.
Also the fact that we have become so cynical in life that we hardly ever take anything at its face value - We are always trying to look for that hidden agenda, that ulterior motive so much so that we don’t even mind making one up. Similarly, many think eM writes solely to attract attention and gain that temporary hype (and therefore she ended up getting a book deal) because it’s difficult for them to comprehend the fact that an Indian woman can also think, write, discuss and not be apprehensive about her intimate thoughts on a public platform. On the other hand if her writings were preaching the sati-savitri qualities in desi-women, the joys of motherhood, the precious value of an intact hymen – she would be applauded for her thoughts, no matter how farce they maybe in actuality.
So answering Sepia Mutiny’s question – Nope, I don’t think eM is anything like (the hypocrite) Shobha De nor (the worthless agony aunt) Amy Sohn. She is a good writer with a tacky sense of humor and above all a very gutsy spirit, so let’s just for once give her the benefit of doubt and accept her individuality without questioning it.
Ps…Dear eM, you so totally rock babes and I wish you the very best.
We all have a right to express our views. In many instances; it will be against ours and in some; with us. To hear them out is 'decency' but to let them get to you is 'weakness'. 
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Comments
16 comments | Leave your comment
Oct 10th, 2007 at 9:16 am | #
Sakshi, frankly I find it strange you taking side of the likes of eM however you do make a valid point. People should be allowed to express their views freely but then they should be ready to face their de-tractors as well. To impose our own values onto others is not the way a healthy society should work.
Oct 10th, 2007 at 9:41 am | #
@ Shweta - When I read the post, I didn’t think Sakshi was taking sides with Meenakshi but rather, that she was making (as you yourself say) a valid point.
As for your “People should be allowed to express their views freely but then they should be ready to face their de-tractors as well” - I don’t think anyone is more open to this than Meenakshi - read her blog, she actually quotes Sepia Mutiny in her post!
“To impose our own values onto others is not the way a healthy society should work” - I agree with you but I don’t think anyone’s forcing values onto others. I think everyone’s just stating opinions and beliefs - it’s the accepting and respecting people having different opinions and beliefs which will make fore a healthy society imo.
@ Sakshi - Sorry, didn’t mean to answer your comments for you. Just came here to say, great post, especially thought this was ironic:
“Just as women are under a great deal of stress to keep their pants on, men are under a lot of tension to take theirs off.”
Like you I don’t agree with a lot of Meenakshi’s opinions and beliefs, but I think it’s rather pretentious (& mean!) of the people at Sepia Mutiny (commenters included) to diss her book even before it’s out! Wrote about it here.
Oct 10th, 2007 at 9:52 am | #
>>>> it’s difficult for them to comprehend the fact that an Indian woman can also think, write, discuss
Sakshi,
Well, I did read her blog a few times much earlier. You are right about all other things except that she can think and write !!
About the write part - It is a pain to read her stupid spellings and SMS-ese.. ( For all that hoopla about SMS shortcuts, they look good only in one place - Mobile Text Messages, and not webpages and print )
About the think part - No comments..
>>>> if her writings were preaching the sati-savitri qualities in desi-women, the joys of motherhood, the precious value of an intact hymen – she would be applauded for her thoughts
That would not have happened either… the liberals would have pounced on her for being anti-feminist or something…
Its not at all about the content of her blog, its about the presentation and thought process… In a way, if I read her blog, and met her in person, I would not have trusted her (even if she were male).
Oct 10th, 2007 at 7:00 pm | #
We all are over-analysing here. Everybody has the right to their opinions and beliefs - be it eM or be it SepiaMutiny. Let people be and let there be peace!
Free expression rocks!
Oct 11th, 2007 at 1:59 am | #
surely you’re joking, tintin?
over-analysis? where is the analysis? opinion is NOT an analysis. first step to analysis is reading comprehension. i see even that missing. so let’s not kid ourselves.
cheers,
asuph
Oct 11th, 2007 at 6:23 am | #
Shewta: Well you have already been answered. So won’t repeat, by the way how’s your doggy doing?
Melody: Babes, you know you are welcome to do so anytime.
Shadows: Well liking or not liking something is pretty much subjective. You may not THINK much of her writing skills but surely there are many who think otherwise. As for the “sati-savitri” bit, I highly think so but I could be wrong at that.
Agreed totally, we judge a person from their writing (speaking solely from the blogging point of view)…many think me to be either some Page 3 journalist or a social worker just because I have strong view-points on both. But I feel it’s different when it comes to the publishing world, I have met couple of authors who are so different in real life to what I had perceived them to be from their writings.
TinTin: I completely agree with you. But then one should say na that they are being critical and not pretend to be neutral when it’s clearly not the case. Plus when one claims to be a critic they generally back their writing with valid (if not all) reasoning and not just do-the-do for the heck of it. Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, the world (or as in this case, the blogosphere) is big enough to accommodate all types.
Asuph: All I have to say, “Desi-Women Bloggers Mafia Zindabad”….and yes, you are better off staying away from it.
Oct 11th, 2007 at 8:41 am | #
Sakshi,
After reading this post, I did visit her blog yesterday, after maybe 2 years or so… Well I must admit - she has improved her writing skills a lot. So now, the only thing that remains is that I find her blog very boring….
>>> I have met couple of authors who are so different in real life to what I had perceived them to be from their writings.
Well, I did not consider that.. … thats another possibility, true. She may be nicer than what she portrays on her blog. Maybe even, her blog is just stories, not real events…
Oct 11th, 2007 at 9:44 am | #
Oh, Zindabaad. Zindaabad. More power to the mafia!
cheers,
asuph.
Oct 12th, 2007 at 5:38 am | #
Sakshi, you (as usual) raise a very valid point.
Hypocrisy is all around us and we simply can’t hide from it. Many times these very intellectual thinkers come up with shoddy criticism and contradict thoughts that they claim to be preaching and following.
Anyways good luck to eM and me wish her the very best too.
Oct 12th, 2007 at 2:54 pm | #
What the hack is this “New face of Indian Feminism” nonsense about? Can’t women live with a woman who speaks her mind and does what she has to without branding her a “Feminist” of all things!
Oh! Jeez! Give me a break. I can live with people who are simple people, without all this bags and baggage. Let’s just say I enjoy eM’s (or is the real Identity out now?) posts, however superficial they are, for the sheer zest of it all! And I would stop reading her, RIGHT NOW, if it were to be branded “feminist” or any other -ist.
Ideologues should really give people a break. Life is usually simple, and let’s keep it that way.
Oct 13th, 2007 at 6:43 am | #
Screw Feminists - Perhaps this comment is more apt on the person’s blog who made the post “New face of Indian Feminism” ?
But
lol
Oct 14th, 2007 at 3:26 am | #
Well sakshi,
don’t fret. i’m a very reasonable man. so what if the muhammad (pubh, and all that) doesn’t come to the mountain, the mountain will. the key is the meet.
screw feminists: (clarification: this is just a handle that i’m referring to, not actually saying it) you ask a rhetorical question: what is this * nonsense all about? precisely that: nonsense — i assure you. i’m hoping you weren’t accusing me of being an ideologue. truth couldn’t be farther. i’m a clown.
have a break, have a kitkat. or perk, if you wish. or even the all new ulta-perk.
cheers,
asuph.
Oct 15th, 2007 at 5:46 am | #
Asuph - Kya kahe raho ho, me and fret? No never.
BTW have you tasted the Ulta-Perk?
Nov 23rd, 2007 at 10:24 am | #
You see India opend up to the world in the nintees, up until then there was no media, communications etc. It was kinda closed socity. You don’t expect things to change overnight, it takes time. May be when our generation grows old we would be more tolerant and libral.
Dec 24th, 2007 at 12:40 pm | #
Maybe people are just jealous that eM has a book deal and they don’t
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