Comments on: The ‘M’ Word (Part 4) – The Dented Mentality http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/ Don't just sit there...do something ! Fri, 22 Oct 2010 19:23:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: Matrimonial madness | DesiPundit http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-144927 Matrimonial madness | DesiPundit Sat, 27 Dec 2008 12:51:51 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-144927 [...] is pissed off after hearing a friend’s wedding woes. In the last few months, she has been Checked Out by over 30 prospective men – some single, some [...] [...] is pissed off after hearing a friend’s wedding woes. In the last few months, she has been Checked Out by over 30 prospective men – some single, some [...]

]]> By: Feeling Good Inside http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-96871 Feeling Good Inside Fri, 04 Jan 2008 09:14:59 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-96871 <strong>Feeling Good Inside...</strong> If you feel deterred because of the dreadful amount of effort it takes to hit upon what you are looking for, cheer up because you are one step closer to your goal.... Feeling Good Inside…

If you feel deterred because of the dreadful amount of effort it takes to hit upon what you are looking for, cheer up because you are one step closer to your goal….

]]> By: ranjan http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-51760 ranjan Sun, 15 Jul 2007 16:38:47 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-51760 I was going through ur article, when my eyes just popped out on this word "chutes". What are u trying to say, chute or chutiya? I was going through ur article, when my eyes just popped out on this word “chutes”. What are u trying to say, chute or chutiya?

]]> By: Neeti http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-51465 Neeti Sat, 14 Jul 2007 14:07:08 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-51465 Hey Sakshi, visited your blog through the link in DesiPundit. Read all 4 parts of the M word-liked them all. I'm 23 and am planning for my post grad but I can so see myself in your place a few years down the line. Many relatives and at times even my mum have started talking about the proverbial M word. But I guess there are quite a few working/financially independent women out there facing this stereotype of getting married at the "right age". Cheers... Hey Sakshi, visited your blog through the link in DesiPundit. Read all 4 parts of the M word-liked them all. I’m 23 and am planning for my post grad but I can so see myself in your place a few years down the line. Many relatives and at times even my mum have started talking about the proverbial M word. But I guess there are quite a few working/financially independent women out there facing this stereotype of getting married at the “right age”.
Cheers…

]]> By: Anon http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-51350 Anon Sat, 14 Jul 2007 05:09:06 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-51350 SS, You need to tell us why your "Ghaddi has a dent", why did your wife leave you and why have you joined the biggest hoax group on the planet....oh i get it not hoax but gay group. So that was your dent huh? Your wife is also a divorcee somewhere coz you were a GAY. You were a fraud who did not reveal to his wife that he was a GAY. You wanted your wife to be your parents servant and she refused. Does that answer your question..bloody arse SS,

You need to tell us why your “Ghaddi has a dent”, why did your wife leave you and why have you joined the biggest hoax group on the planet….oh i get it not hoax but gay group. So that was your dent huh? Your wife is also a divorcee somewhere coz you were a GAY. You were a fraud who did not reveal to his wife that he was a GAY. You wanted your wife to be your parents servant and she refused. Does that answer your question..bloody arse

]]> By: SS http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-51251 SS Fri, 13 Jul 2007 21:42:08 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-51251 Still its a mystery why her elder is a divorcee, and what is the actual underline below "gaddi mei dent hain' Still its a mystery why her elder is a divorcee,
and
what is the actual underline below “gaddi mei dent hain’

]]> By: abhishek nair http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-51188 abhishek nair Fri, 13 Jul 2007 17:17:10 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-51188 Outrageous and equally discouraging! On the one hand, I'm glad that your friend got out of a mess with what seem like in-laws and a husband from hell. On the other hand, there are too many folks like this in India, and not just Punjab, and your friend, and too many (more than one is too many) women face this issue on a daily basis. Someone in here mentioned that he/she doesn't expect something like that from educated folks. That depends on how you define education. Manners, courtesy, values - these things are taught at home. Not in schools. And unfortunately, our society is held behind by chauvinist and crass attitudes. I realize that your friend is probably being pressured to feel old and unwanted. I'm sure you encourage her to be strong, uncompromising and principled. Those of us who are decent, rational and seemingly normal have to stand for what we believe in, not matter how long it seems to find a similar partner. When a society teeters toward high divorce rates, one must question the rationality of most match-making arrangements. I find most parents of daughters and sons that I know are unrealistic and impractical in their vision. Our societies do not match personalities, they match frivolous labels of honor. Parents/honor, needless to say, have very little to do with the long-term success of a relationship. And in a society where long-term relationships are at risk, your friend is better off being rejected by meaningless matches than falling into a trap of domestic abuse. Perhaps, she would derive comfort by believing that these matches break for her benefit? That the right guy is still out there? Outrageous and equally discouraging! On the one hand, I’m glad that your friend got out of a mess with what seem like in-laws and a husband from hell. On the other hand, there are too many folks like this in India, and not just Punjab, and your friend, and too many (more than one is too many) women face this issue on a daily basis.
Someone in here mentioned that he/she doesn’t expect something like that from educated folks. That depends on how you define education. Manners, courtesy, values – these things are taught at home. Not in schools. And unfortunately, our society is held behind by chauvinist and crass attitudes.
I realize that your friend is probably being pressured to feel old and unwanted. I’m sure you encourage her to be strong, uncompromising and principled. Those of us who are decent, rational and seemingly normal have to stand for what we believe in, not matter how long it seems to find a similar partner. When a society teeters toward high divorce rates, one must question the rationality of most match-making arrangements. I find most parents of daughters and sons that I know are unrealistic and impractical in their vision. Our societies do not match personalities, they match frivolous labels of honor. Parents/honor, needless to say, have very little to do with the long-term success of a relationship. And in a society where long-term relationships are at risk, your friend is better off being rejected by meaningless matches than falling into a trap of domestic abuse. Perhaps, she would derive comfort by believing that these matches break for her benefit? That the right guy is still out there?

]]> By: Saakshi O. Juneja http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-51083 Saakshi O. Juneja Fri, 13 Jul 2007 08:55:24 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-51083 Shantanu - I know what you mean "Out of sight, Out of mind" logic works wonderfully in many ways. :) Zeya - Excatly, I totally agree that her family are the only ones who can make a change to her, on all levels. But as I said, we people can only give our best viewpoints to adopt them rests on the other party. ANA D-P - Sorry to hear about your friend. It's sad that to hear that people are pushed to take such steps, as said earlier one's gotto be thick skinned in order to survive in the harsh conditions set by our society. Shantanu – I know what you mean “Out of sight, Out of mind” logic works wonderfully in many ways. :)

Zeya – Excatly, I totally agree that her family are the only ones who can make a change to her, on all levels. But as I said, we people can only give our best viewpoints to adopt them rests on the other party.

ANA D-P – Sorry to hear about your friend. It’s sad that to hear that people are pushed to take such steps, as said earlier one’s gotto be thick skinned in order to survive in the harsh conditions set by our society.

]]> By: Ana D-P http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-51059 Ana D-P Fri, 13 Jul 2007 07:09:52 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-51059 Dear sakshi What a powerful post!! I've been reading yr blog for a long time now, but i've never commented before. But this particular post was so close to my heart that i had to comment. I had a college friend who was a Sardarni. She was the usual crazy, wacky, fun loving, homely combo that most sardanis are. By the time she was about 28, she had a couple of broken engagements and stopped keeping in touch. Imagine my horror when a few months later i learnt that she had jumped off the terrace of her building. No one claimed to know why. But this thing of "seeing prospective boys and getting married" had been the biggest preoccupation of her & her entire family she she was 21. So all of her friends believe that her self respect could take it no longer & she ended her life rather than go on with the humiliating rejection that she constantly faced in the arranged marriage process. Reading yr post brought a stab to my heart as i thought of my friend. Do keep writing such hard hitting pieces, its probably the most potent way to get other parents and prospective grooms to change. Dear sakshi
What a powerful post!! I’ve been reading yr blog for a long time now, but i’ve never commented before. But this particular post was so close to my heart that i had to comment. I had a college friend who was a Sardarni. She was the usual crazy, wacky, fun loving, homely combo that most sardanis are. By the time she was about 28, she had a couple of broken engagements and stopped keeping in touch. Imagine my horror when a few months later i learnt that she had jumped off the terrace of her building. No one claimed to know why. But this thing of “seeing prospective boys and getting married” had been the biggest preoccupation of her & her entire family she she was 21. So all of her friends believe that her self respect could take it no longer & she ended her life rather than go on with the humiliating rejection that she constantly faced in the arranged marriage process. Reading yr post brought a stab to my heart as i thought of my friend. Do keep writing such hard hitting pieces, its probably the most potent way to get other parents and prospective grooms to change.

]]> By: Zeya http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/comment-page-1/#comment-50909 Zeya Thu, 12 Jul 2007 19:55:28 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2007/07/11/the-m-word-part-4-the-dented-mentality/#comment-50909 Having gone through similar thing for my sister and myself. I can totally relate to this. And to add to that so far we didnt have any divorcee as well in our family. You need to convey this to you frend. This world is full of bad and good people. She will meet some bad people before she meets the good one. Thats way life goes. Her parents and she herself needs a mindset change as well. Society is full of mixed kinds. You need to be smart and practical to choose the right picks. Even after that there can be some disappointments. They need to develop temperament to give back these kinds. I rememeber my father's firmness about lechrous , money grabbing greedy folks. He used to tell them on face. "I have grown self-reliant and self-respecting daughter, and I dont think you suit them." And I think its very important to have right apprach to handle this. Her family needs to tone down their desperation and exasperation over it. More you try , more desperate you get. While all you need is not 20 guys seeing you. You need to screen them well , so that the slack gets cut. Arranged marriage is full of pros and cons. It will take few more generations for our society to be refined and perfect. Till then we all need to find ways to get our match. Now I can look back on those days, and just admire my parent's attitude. I think its gal's side responsibility to ensure their own and their daughter's self-respect. Having gone through similar thing for my sister and myself. I can totally relate to this. And to add to that so far we didnt have any divorcee as well in our family.
You need to convey this to you frend. This world is full of bad and good people. She will meet some bad people before she meets the good one. Thats way life goes. Her parents and she herself needs a mindset change as well. Society is full of mixed kinds. You need to be smart and practical to choose the right picks. Even after that there can be some disappointments. They need to develop temperament to give back these kinds. I rememeber my father’s firmness about lechrous , money grabbing greedy folks. He used to tell them on face. “I have grown self-reliant and self-respecting daughter, and I dont think you suit them.” And I think its very important to have right apprach to handle this.

Her family needs to tone down their desperation and exasperation over it. More you try , more desperate you get. While all you need is not 20 guys seeing you. You need to screen them well , so that the slack gets cut.
Arranged marriage is full of pros and cons. It will take few more generations for our society to be refined and perfect. Till then we all need to find ways to get our match.
Now I can look back on those days, and just admire my parent’s attitude. I think its gal’s side responsibility to ensure their own and their daughter’s self-respect.

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