Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

I thought that I could love no other,

Until, that is, I met your brother.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,

This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel, your sweet embrace,

But don’t take that paper bag, off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes- Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

Click here to continue reading ‘A Love Poem (Well…Not Really)’

Ekta Kapoor on Koffee With Karan, I really expected some fireworks after all this is Ekta we are talking about; the only woman who practically dominates our Prime Time Television segment.

But watching her and her way too many distorted facial expressions (now it’s clear where the likes of Kamolika, Mandira and other Vamps get their inspiration from) along with three of her co-puppets, namely Ram Kapoor, Ronit Roy and Hiten Tejwani – reminded me of those old Hindi films where apna Hero wouldn’t even move a muscle without his chamchas and their chamchagiri.

The entire duration of 60 minutes all one could hear was – Ekta changed the face of Indian Television, Ekta made my career, Ekta created larger than life tele-stars, Ekta is super talented, Ekta is bold, blah..blah and blah. One could even see the frustrated look on the host’s face who time and time again coaxed his male guests to spill some dirty juice but it looked as if these men had ratofied “Ekta Mata Ki Jai Ho” script to the very last word.

Undoubtedly Ekta Kapoor has been the worst dressed celebrity on Koffee With Karan till date, wonder if Ms. Sunita Menon had anything to do with this but come on, nobody makes an appearance on a talk show wearing a Spaghetti Top unless it’s Mandira Bedi but ofcourse. Even the expressionless John Abraham had the sense to cover-up his white gunji with a blazer. And Ms. Kapoor where was your trademark “lal tilak” on the forehead?

Click here to continue reading ‘Kyunki Main Ekta Hoon‘

What in the world is this trend of Music called ‘Remix’? To me it’s nothing but a gory gang rape of melodious Hindi Songs of yesteryears by some weird people with distorted sense of music. These second-handers have regaled themselves by indulging in heinous crime of relegating the memorable old tracks that are still pleasant to the ears in its original form to a cheap cacophony which they recognize as ‘Music’.

These creators of Remix are guilty of violating the innocence of those old hits which even today are a genuine Music connoisseur’s delight.

Remix of old songs doesn’t involve any labor at all. All one has to do is replace the soothing tunes of the original composed by maestros who were well acquainted with the aesthetics with a loud din made by the haphazard blend of Western musical instruments. One can add any nonsensical rap in the midst of a song even though absolutely unnecessary. Also, the voice of great singers like Mohammed Rafi, Kishore Kumar or Lata Mangeshkar is substituted by a singer whose voice is either hoarse or nasal or shrill enough to set your ear-drums on fire.

Ironically the musicians and the singers of these Remixes are half-baked men who have only a surface knowledge of music but who never had the experience to dive deep in this field. Most of them wouldn’t be able to distinguish ‘Alto’ from a ‘Bass’ and are much oblivious of ‘Tenor’ or ‘Counter Tenor’!

Click here to continue reading ‘Remixes : Music or Rape of Originality?’