Commitment Blues

Holy matrimony: A bond uniting a man and a woman as husband and wife for supposedly their respective lifetimes. The reasons for this unison could vary from making a public commitment of love; to forming a family unit; to legitimizing sexual relations and procreation; and of course legal, social and economic stability.

This sacred bond holds a distinctive significance in every existing culture of this world but a tad bit more within our close knit conservative Indian society where an arranged marriage usually dominates over a love nuptial.

Irrespective of gender, cast, religion, family elders begin showing matrimonial concern when the age is ripe. When not much done about these concerns they transform into pressures on the individual and gradually erupting as a whole and sole necessity or a centre point in ones life rather than a distinct component.

There was this notion that the male element in wedlock suffers from commitment-phobia. Well you could blame it on tons of Bollywood movies and the desi-idiot box for spreading such perception. For our men folk marriage indicated a sudden loss of freedom; freedom to ogle at other women, freedom to while away time with buddies, freedom to satisfy ones carefree will because it added this whole new dimension to life. Of course not to forget the additional responsibilities and adjustments he must endure. Where as his female counterpart was ever eager to jump into these lifelong commitments. She was taken for granted and took charge of making all the necessary modifications to her life. Sacrificing her ambitions for the sake of family name and pride came very easy to her.

But all this was pre Sex and the City and Ally Mcbeal days. Now from what I see and hear the tables have quite turned, these same devoted women folk have realized the essence of freedom in life and are voicing their rights against these obligations when under pressure.

Lately a close friend nearing her mid thirties, hailing from a conservative upbringing and still in search of ‘Mr. Right’ refuses to give into these marriage pressures just for the heck of marrying. She is least bothered about her extended family reactions or her aging self. Yes of course she has looked into various proposals and many seem attractive to her stressed out blood relations but unless she is confident, her answer doesn’t run positive.

Not that she fears commitment or settling with one entity for her lifetime. Though I seriously believe, two per person should be the basic norm these days. It’s mainly compatibility in most aspects concerning life, is what she seeks in the opposite person. Lifetime responsibilities and continuing stability have become a larger than life issue with women in the current day and age. Entering holy matrimony unless absolutely ready and certain of what the future holds is of utmost importance.

Surprising the masculine gender seems to be singing a different tune. They perceive marriage as a progress or an achievement in life, and are ready to take on the challenge without too many apprehensions. Grabbing the best candidate before it gets too late age wise is priority for them and they probably don’t want to anticipate the future.

Obviously I could be totally wrong in my assumptions here but to set the record straight, the thoughts expressed are not mine alone but also includes uneasiness of some of my feline friends.

Am sure many of you readers approach this differently and are free to voice your opinions as to who you think is more Commitment-phobic – Men or Women?