Act Civilized, Shall We?

It wouldn’t be wrong to say that nowadays the concept of arranged marriage has changed and I would say the change has been for the good. Even though it is still heavily guarded with strong walls for “Tradition” which practically dictates every other aspect of our Indian Society but the situation is a lot at ease as compared to 10 years back.

Parents of daughters, even those belonging to conservative families favor men who share same interests as their beloved and families that would encourage independence rather than stifle their daughter-in-law’s individualism. Agreed money, family status, etc are still very important aspects but if a girl says “No”, it is usually accepted by her family, so I say from personal experience and observation. Families not only rely on close relatives, friends and marriage brokers for desired brides/grooms but are now are pretty open-minded about giving matrimonial sites, a shot too.

Gone are the days, which now only remind you of some old Bollywood Films, where girls draped in silk saris were coxed by their family to parade in front the prospective grooms and their khandaans – balancing a tray overloaded with tea cups, samosas, bhajias and everything else that any diabetic would envy. Today such meetings often take place at coffee shops, restaurants or the middle person’s place; minus the family jing-bang. The entire process starts off with an “arranged introduction”, where parents introduce the couple and then the rest is left to the boy and girl, whether they would like to move things forward or close the chapter, there and then.

However things are not all that hunky-dory as it sounds, as they say “the good often brings its best friend along – the bad”. And similarly the “arranged introduction” has its flaws too.

Now this error that I am going to talk about mostly concerns situations in which the two parties are settled in different countries. A cousin of mine was asked to get in touch via email with a London based “marriageable material” boy, as they are usually referred, by a common family friend. Both the families had been briefed about one another beforehand and so now it was left upon the couple to start off the talking process. My cousin sister exactly did as she was asked; she mailed the fella a very causal email containing a plain ‘hi-hello’ and asking him to mail back when he gets time. Now this boy firstly took nearly a week to reply back, giving shitty excuse that his office net was down and he was way too busy with office work. He wrote nothing about himself, just how he found this email-process a bit odd and that he was first-timer at it. He attached couple of his photographs and asked my cousin to send hers with the reply along with a few words about herself.

Giving him the benefit of doubt, my cousin replied back to his worthless mail with couple of her snaps and simple synopsis about her likes and dislikes. And just like the previous delay, this guy did not feel the need to reply back pronto. The poor girl was pestered day in- day out by her family who made it a point to ask her every third hour whether her mail received an answer. After a week passed by, her dad received a text message from the middle person saying it polite words that the boy ain’t interested.

Frankly speaking this entire episode pissed me off to the core. I mean, in my opinion it’s alright if the guy didn’t find her suitable and for whatever reasons (though I seriously think he is a fart looser to base his decision plainly on looks) but at least he should have had plain decency to reply back with his decision rather than asking someone else to do the needful. What was so fucking hard in doing so? Now some may argue that it’s a tricky situation for anyone when it comes to “turning someone down”, to this I would say people should stop being presumptuous. It’s not that a “No” from someone one doesn’t even know, would be the end of the world for the person. Plus one doesn’t even have to tell it to the other person’s face or say in on the phone, for Lord’s sake it’s just a bloody email. Believe me, it’s really not that hard to atleast act civilized.

I firmly believe that a union like marriage has a lot to do with destiny, some people are meant to be and some are not – but this doesn’t mean that we let-go of basic manners just because the opposite person didn’t fit our bill of desired life-partner.

So as a advise and not only for the men-folk but also the ladies, if you are engaging in such form of arranged format – kindly act as responsible educated adults, do the needful yourself and not hide behind your mama’s chunni and dada’s dhoti.