The ‘M’ Word (Part 3) - Shopping Mall and Astrology

About two weekends back I was over at my sister’s house dinner, just me and my mum.

Mummy dearest and sister as usual were deep-in discussion over their current lifestyle crisis and some were really grave issues. For example, colored stones are in but are too pricey at Notandas, need a new sari but nothing too flashy available at Ritu Kumars, cook going on 3rd honeymoon with 2nd wife need a replacement in the mean-time, close friend’s daughter getting married to a guy she met during her South African holidays, etc, etc.

While the above emergency matters were being sorted out, yours truly was deeply engrossed in consuming the world’s bestest Chicken Frankie. Believe me it is so scrumptious that it would make any Chicken proud, just be a part of it.

Anyways, in the middle of my eating binge without any prior indication, mighty mummy blurts one of the best filmy dialogues my ears haven’t heard in ages.

Mummy to Sister: “Isko koi nahi milta, pata nahin kyon”.

Then looking at me: “Tujhe koi milta nahin, shopping mall ya party sharty mein”.

I literally was choking on the heavenly meal, while sister was laughing out loud on my misery.

Sister to Me: “What you re, you been taking mum to too many Hindi movies or what?”

That very moment, the meaning of Bollywood went on to a whole new level in my life. And did I mention I haven’t taken my mother for single Hindi movie since then.

On the marriage front, the above incident should be able to give a good indication on how things are progressing, in a simple sentence - No where.

But that doesn’t mean people have given up. Nope, no way Hoza, we people believe in “trying and trying till we succeed” or as in this case, till they spin me seven times around the burning flames. So different avenues are being explored, since family relatives and marriage brokers haven’t produced the desired results.

Though the in-thing at the moment is Astrology. I have been given a Topaz stone which has to be worn around my neck as advised by the Jotshi aunty (to ease out the Mangalik Dosha in my Kundali). It is also infused with some guy-magnet powers and no ordinary magnetic field, its hatke quality is that it comes with a ‘filter’ like feature.

By filtering I mean it will only attract those eligible men who pass certain desired requirements in flying colors such as - Hindu-Punjabi by birth, reputed party, MBA pass, plus 5′9 in height, non-hairy chest, body type somewhere between Salman and Hrithik and so on and so forth.

Till now the only effect I have seen is that guy’s come to me for Sanjay Dutt’s autograph which is actually not a good sign but mum says that the jaadoo-stone will take a few more days to come into full power - at least so she prays.

But on a rather serious note, what I find most astonishing about all this facade is that how readily people believe in complete strangers aka. Astrologers, Tarot card readers and the likes especially over marriage matters with a little bit of religion, sun/moon & various other stars positions and giant picture cards thrown in. While I was passing mocking comments on the Bachchan parivaar and their numerous Godly maha-aartis, holy darshans and marriage to a Tree and a Stoned Idols (all an attempt to please the Mangal star for Ash-Abhi marriage) little did I know that very soon I would be taking the same Mangalik road.

So yeah, don’t be too surprised if you see me in a shopping mall flashing a yellow stone around in front of complete strangers; just remember its only Astrology at play.

Previous Versions : Part 1 and Part 2.

• Bollywood, Culture, Humor, Me, New Age Thinking, Women
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