Stardom (nothing but loneliness)

I always used to believe that people often ridiculed those who were at the peak of their achievements by targeting their loneliness either out of jealousy or at times purely to be the center of a conversation. I am not saying that all of these stories are purely figment of someone’s imagination; after all isn’t it true that where there is smoke there is fire. But at times it’s just so difficult for us common man to even imagine, let alone feel the dark-side of the glamorous world lead by the rich and famous people.

There is a common saying among the Bollywood crowd (and surely it is applicable universally) that it’s very lonely at the No. 1 position; in simpler words, all that glitters isn’t gold. And this unfortunate side of stardom is what I witnessed in front of my very own eyes.

I had just had dinner at a relative’s house and was walking towards my car with my cousin. As I approached my car I saw a well-built man standing in front my vehicle. On a closer look, I realized that he was not some random guy but undoubtly one of the biggest names in Bollywood today. His recent releases have raked in phenomenal amount of money and along with it audience’s praises and critic’s appreciation. Being a complete filmy pandu to say that I was over the moon would also sound so under-stated. The very first thought in my head was that I have to take a photograph with him and make it another addition to my album of Bollywood Walk of Fame.

However before I could take another step towards putting my thought into action, my dearest cousin stopped me. At first I thought that maybe, just maybe he didn’t realize who was standing just a few steps away from us but then he subtly pointed his fingers towards the glass in that actor’s hand. A couple of seconds later, I realized that the star over whom probably the entire country is crazy about was high – high not on life but on artificial spirits. He was struggling to balance his feet on the cemented road, such was his condition that the people around him had to actually walk for him.

When he realized (despite his blurry state-of-mind) that he was in way of me and my car, with a child-like smile on his now-aged face he apologized and made way for me and the person with me. He then extended his hand in a friendly manner towards my cousin and felt the need to introduce himself. And the same was repeated with me. At this point, frankly I didn’t know what to think of this high-profiled individual. My mind was nothing short of a bag of mixed emotions; I thought it was really sweet of him but on the other hand I couldn’t help but feel pity on his gloomy state. Though he was brightly smiling and trying to take control of lost situation, even a blind man would be able to trace the worrisome lines on his face. The man in all certainties was suffering from loneliness.

The people around him to me looked like perfect examples of Leeches. They were friendly acquaintances with hidden agendas, sucking on to him for whatever he is worth. I then decided to walk-off and not follow my desired wish simply because I don’t want to remember him, the way I had just seen him.

My cousin and I said our farewells in a stoned sort-off manner; we did not give each other even a slightest of inclination to talk about what we had witnessed. As I slowly drove past the drunken star, I saw him place a small bundle of money (atleast that’s what it looked like) in the hands of a middle-aged woman, a victim of poverty. The whole scene seemed in many ways a part of some dramatic Hindi film but was infact 100% reality.

The entire drive back home I thought of him – Him on the celluloid screen and Him worn out with his solitude. Yes! The Number One for some is nothing but a lonely number.

• Bollywood, Me
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