Comments on: The ‘M’ word – Part 2 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/ Don't just sit there...do something ! Fri, 22 Oct 2010 19:23:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: kissi http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-140067 kissi Wed, 22 Oct 2008 04:43:20 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-140067 Sorry, my comments are getting so big, And as far as money is concerned parents say that once they have given dowry to their daughters' in-laws, they have given a share of their property to their daughter. if i ask u didnt give it to me, u gave it to guys family they, say guys family is ur family so its given to ur family afterall and hence u dont have any right on ur parental propertuy. it is not only abt property, its abt how our entire system makes a woman dependent and then says that she will get everything only if she conforms . and in most of the cases in India, guys do not leave their family honme as girls do. Girls are supposed to do all the adjusting and if they "adjust " they get food, clothes and lodgings for their whole life only condition being that they stop thinking for themselves and let others do the thinking for them. What else can a woman want other tan this? Marital satisfaction , couple's mutual happiness doesnt count as long as the wife takes care of home and husabnd earns. beyond that nothing else matters. Sorry, my comments are getting so big,

And as far as money is concerned parents say that once they have given dowry to their daughters’ in-laws, they have given a share of their property to their daughter. if i ask u didnt give it to me, u gave it to guys family they, say guys family is ur family so its given to ur family afterall and hence u dont have any right on ur parental propertuy. it is not only abt property, its abt how our entire system makes a woman dependent and then says that she will get everything only if she conforms . and in most of the cases in India, guys do not leave their family honme as girls do. Girls are supposed to do all the adjusting and if they “adjust ” they get food, clothes and lodgings for their whole life only condition being that they stop thinking for themselves and let others do the thinking for them. What else can a woman want other tan this? Marital satisfaction , couple’s mutual happiness doesnt count as long as the wife takes care of home and husabnd earns. beyond that nothing else matters.

]]> By: kissi http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-140064 kissi Wed, 22 Oct 2008 04:23:37 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-140064 I have read your entire series of blogs on M-Word. and I agree with u. I am working, and just reached 24 yrs, but going by the way my dad is pushing me to show to guys , u will feel that i have reached my dotage. My saying No doesn't count bcoz the moment I say no, they begin saying things like" Education has made me mad, all the girls have to go thru it, u r not unique, what will people say, My dad is very ill(BTW he isnt, just 55 yrs old and some problems related to age) , u will be very happy after marriiage" and worse, I cant even knw the guys name. Just taht my parents friends or realtives have promised that teh family is good" so on and so forth. I want to do MBA but most of the guys expect me to leave the job too. My dad especially is like, " why work so hard if ur husabnd can suppiort u, after all once u r married, ur livelihood is taken care of" so o and so forth". My pleaing, arguing , nothing works. They sinply say I will adjust after marriage and be very happy. I am at my wits end. What to do? The moment I say anything my dad says:" u dont trust me, we were mad or what that we had an arranged marrigae, If this tradition has survived then it must be great" etc. My mom, who always supported me has also deserted me saying if somethign happens to my dad due to my stubbornness, what will happen to her? I am sick and tired and depressed. On top of that , most of my school friends got married , incidentally none of them ever had a career. So my parents argue that" most of teh women are so happy getitgn married bcoz they get a home of their own, so why cant I? What should I do. Being frim doesnt help bcoz they simp-ly ignore my protests saying that I will thank them for this. The moment I say no,my dad looks like he is going to have a cardiac arest, my mom has deserted me. after all, she is dependent on my father. I dont want to have a life where I do things bcoz they appease someone and help me maintain my lifestyle even at teh cost of my kids. I dont want to be dependent. I am not spineless. I say no, but Its not of much use. The logic goes, since most of the girls do it and appear to be so happy, so must I. I hate it when they exhibit me to aguys family dressed in saree and all sorts of nonsense that follows. I never get to see the guy anyways. dictum goes parents knw best". Whatever be the guys nature, character or behavior, likes or dislikes, " u will have to adjust to it in the beginning, and everything will be fine. u have to be practical". Here, I would like to say somethign regarding arranged marrigaes. Most of the people say that arranged marriages last and people find love gradually so it must be great and everyone's happy. But is it really so. So much importance is put on appearances in our society that I dont believe that any couple having problems will ever say that they are not happy.They will put on a pretence of being happy and go thru motions of life in accoradnce with teh roles assigned to them by society.and people will say see, they are so happy . or resignedly they will sya, u have to carry the marriage forward any which way. The worst part of arranged marriages is that u cant get out of even an abusive relationship. Parents say it wont happen bcoz it doesnt happen in families likeus, but what if it happens? It cant happen somehow and somehow the couples will love each other after some 25 yrs of marriage.Isnt it great? I have read your entire series of blogs on M-Word. and I agree with u. I am working, and just reached 24 yrs, but going by the way my dad is pushing me to show to guys , u will feel that i have reached my dotage. My saying No doesn’t count bcoz the moment I say no, they begin saying things like” Education has made me mad, all the girls have to go thru it, u r not unique, what will people say, My dad is very ill(BTW he isnt, just 55 yrs old and some problems related to age) , u will be very happy after marriiage” and worse, I cant even knw the guys name. Just taht my parents friends or realtives have promised that teh family is good” so on and so forth. I want to do MBA but most of the guys expect me to leave the job too. My dad especially is like, ” why work so hard if ur husabnd can suppiort u, after all once u r married, ur livelihood is taken care of” so o and so forth”. My pleaing, arguing , nothing works. They sinply say I will adjust after marriage and be very happy. I am at my wits end. What to do? The moment I say anything my dad says:” u dont trust me, we were mad or what that we had an arranged marrigae, If this tradition has survived then it must be great” etc. My mom, who always supported me has also deserted me saying if somethign happens to my dad due to my stubbornness, what will happen to her? I am sick and tired and depressed. On top of that , most of my school friends got married , incidentally none of them ever had a career. So my parents argue that” most of teh women are so happy getitgn married bcoz they get a home of their own, so why cant I?
What should I do. Being frim doesnt help bcoz they simp-ly ignore my protests saying that I will thank them for this. The moment I say no,my dad looks like he is going to have a cardiac arest, my mom has deserted me. after all, she is dependent on my father. I dont want to have a life where I do things bcoz they appease someone and help me maintain my lifestyle even at teh cost of my kids. I dont want to be dependent. I am not spineless. I say no, but Its not of much use. The logic goes, since most of the girls do it and appear to be so happy, so must I. I hate it when they exhibit me to aguys family dressed in saree and all sorts of nonsense that follows. I never get to see the guy anyways. dictum goes parents knw best”. Whatever be the guys nature, character or behavior, likes or dislikes, ” u will have to adjust to it in the beginning, and everything will be fine. u have to be practical”.
Here, I would like to say somethign regarding arranged marrigaes. Most of the people say that arranged marriages last and people find love gradually so it must be great and everyone’s happy. But is it really so. So much importance is put on appearances in our society that I dont believe that any couple having problems will ever say that they are not happy.They will put on a pretence of being happy and go thru motions of life in accoradnce with teh roles assigned to them by society.and people will say see, they are so happy . or resignedly they will sya, u have to carry the marriage forward any which way. The worst part of arranged marriages is that u cant get out of even an abusive relationship. Parents say it wont happen bcoz it doesnt happen in families likeus, but what if it happens? It cant happen somehow and somehow the couples will love each other after some 25 yrs of marriage.Isnt it great?

]]> By: To Each Its Own » Archives » The ‘M’ Word (Part 4) - The Dented Mentality http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-107413 To Each Its Own » Archives » The ‘M’ Word (Part 4) - The Dented Mentality Wed, 13 Feb 2008 09:36:09 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-107413 [...] Posts - Part 1, Part 2 and Part [...] [...] Posts – Part 1, Part 2 and Part [...]

]]> By: Victim http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-4300 Victim Fri, 05 May 2006 22:15:18 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-4300 You are a 498 girl. Sure your husband will come to us. You are a 498 girl. Sure your husband will come to us.

]]> By: Swapna http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-4280 Swapna Thu, 04 May 2006 18:11:26 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-4280 Very well-written. I can totally understand what you're going through... I'm going through the same. Esp. the parents looking for guys part whereas I always thought i'd have a love marriage myself. It's just so hard to look at guys and make a logical decision as to whether I can live the rest of my life with him. All the best ! Very well-written.

I can totally understand what you’re going through… I’m going through the same.

Esp. the parents looking for guys part whereas I always thought i’d have a love marriage myself.

It’s just so hard to look at guys and make a logical decision as to whether I can live the rest of my life with him.

All the best !

]]> By: Anil http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-4278 Anil Thu, 04 May 2006 16:11:47 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-4278 No wonder folks wear the number of bangles they do :) If only guys were imperfect uniformly there would then be fewer dilemmas for girls to navigate, fewer choices to choose from, fewer uncertainities to resolve, but then I do feel that GUYS ARE IMPERFECT UNIFORMLY :) No wonder folks wear the number of bangles they do :)

If only guys were imperfect uniformly there would then be fewer dilemmas for girls to navigate, fewer choices to choose from, fewer uncertainities to resolve, but then I do feel that GUYS ARE IMPERFECT UNIFORMLY :)

]]> By: Saakshi O. Juneja http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-4275 Saakshi O. Juneja Thu, 04 May 2006 15:24:29 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-4275 Apurva - You know what I mean, yaar ! Harsh and Harini - Thanks for dropping by. Haridas Dave - Been 3 weeks only, so far (thankfully) ! :) Apurva – You know what I mean, yaar !

Harsh and Harini – Thanks for dropping by.

Haridas Dave – Been 3 weeks only, so far (thankfully) ! :)

]]> By: Haridas Dave http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-4272 Haridas Dave Thu, 04 May 2006 15:05:50 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-4272 so how many months have passed so far ??? so how many months have passed so far ???

]]> By: Apurva http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-4266 Apurva Thu, 04 May 2006 08:53:52 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-4266 I've always wondered how can one decide to do a love-marriage. Planned love to me is an oxymoron :) I’ve always wondered how can one decide to do a love-marriage. Planned love to me is an oxymoron :)

]]> By: Harini http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/comment-page-1/#comment-4264 Harini Thu, 04 May 2006 05:30:42 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/05/03/the-m-word-part-2/#comment-4264 I so relate to everything you say! Nicely written too :). I so relate to everything you say! Nicely written too :) .

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