The ‘M’ word - Part 2
My recent trip to New Delhi to attend my first cousin’s wedding was simply awesome. It’s always great to get away from work, just to spend some time alone with your family as well other distant cousins whom you mostly get to see at wedding functions. However my trip wasn’t just filled with booze, dance and food.
This time round, the ‘M’ word had apparently crossed borders; it had traveled with me to Delhi. It was being used practically in every sentence with my name init. The bottom funda here is that, it’s just me and my cousin sister who are at the so-called ‘right age’ to take a plunge into the ‘pavitra bandhan’. And I being the older one was mostly the center of shaadi talks. Its funny to see that people instead of making the most of the wedding function they are present in - already start planning for next candidate.
So here I was, getting serious advice on marriage from the grown ups; the ones who have seen the world and experienced life more than me. It’s all good and frankly I didn’t mind it, but what really pisses me off is when people assume that I have all along been very choosey and overly pampered by my folks and that’s why even at the age of 26, I am without my ‘pati parmatma’. But I kept my tongue very much wrapped up in my mouth, because frankly my words would have made no-sense to them. After all, ‘I am not ready’, has never been considered a correct and valid reason for avoiding marriage, at least not in my family.
There were nights, when the whole clan (old & young) would sit down to chat, catch up on old times and then for some god for-saken reason, they would gang up on me. Asking all daunting questions, the types a girl will surely avoid….definitely avoid in front of hard-core Punjabi crowd. “What’s your dream man like, Saku?”, “Why didn’t you find one in Sydney, yaar?”, “You sure you don’t have anyone in mind? Inter-caste would do re.”, “You have already seen 5 boys, how many more?”, “You will be a buddhi by the time you have kids?” - These are just the tip of the ice-berg.
Its not that I am against marriage or anything like that but when you think about it as a life-long commitment - well it makes me practically shit bricks. The reason could be that I never thought that I would have to use my parent’s contacts to find a match, always believed that I would land-up having a ‘love-marriage’ - a wishful thinking. Another really scary bit is that in us North Indian, we don’t generally leave much gap between the engagement and marriage; max to max 6 months.
![]() |
|
yeah…you guys can laugh |
Now back in Mumbai, my mum is at it again….making calls here and there, looking for a suitable groom for her youngest. I can only imagine what she must be feeling, after being nagged and in-directly taunted by (some) relatives for my spinster-hood. As for me, well I am still in no hurry to associate myself with ‘M’ word….shaadi ka ladoo can wait.




We all have a right to express our views. In many instances; it will be against ours and in some; with us. To hear them out is 'decency' but to let them get to you is 'weakness'. 





Trackbacks & Pingbacks
Trackback Address
[…] On the other hand, Sakshi is still fighting hard to keep away those ‘when are you getting married’ questions. […]
Pingback by DesiPundit » A New Life begins thus — May 3, 2006 @ 6:06 pm
[…] Posts - Part 1, Part 2 and Part […]
Pingback by To Each Its Own » Archives » The ‘M’ Word (Part 4) - The Dented Mentality — February 13, 2008 @ 9:36 am
Comments
10 comments | Leave your comment
May 4th, 2006 at 2:08 am | #
Ha!
You seem to be quite allergic to the concept…I can’t blame you. I know girls who look murderous when I mention this even as a joke. Is it because there is just too much pressure on the youth (especially women) in India?
Now, I have a Yank friend, who is totally in love with India - not in the usual way most of the Westerners see it - but the realilty of this country. I started teaching him Hindi when we were in Delhi some years back, and he has continued practicing it. He wrote an article about the concept of marriage in India and America. You might find it interesting, if you ignore the grammatical errors:
http://stillingstilldreaming.blogspot.com/2006/03/reaction.html
P.S: How long before the 3 months are over?
May 4th, 2006 at 5:30 am | #
I so relate to everything you say! Nicely written too :).
May 4th, 2006 at 8:53 am | #
I’ve always wondered how can one decide to do a love-marriage. Planned love to me is an oxymoron
May 4th, 2006 at 3:05 pm | #
so how many months have passed so far ???
May 4th, 2006 at 3:24 pm | #
Apurva - You know what I mean, yaar !
Harsh and Harini - Thanks for dropping by.
Haridas Dave - Been 3 weeks only, so far (thankfully) !
May 4th, 2006 at 4:11 pm | #
No wonder folks wear the number of bangles they do
If only guys were imperfect uniformly there would then be fewer dilemmas for girls to navigate, fewer choices to choose from, fewer uncertainities to resolve, but then I do feel that GUYS ARE IMPERFECT UNIFORMLY
May 4th, 2006 at 6:11 pm | #
Very well-written.
I can totally understand what you’re going through… I’m going through the same.
Esp. the parents looking for guys part whereas I always thought i’d have a love marriage myself.
It’s just so hard to look at guys and make a logical decision as to whether I can live the rest of my life with him.
All the best !
May 5th, 2006 at 10:15 pm | #
You are a 498 girl. Sure your husband will come to us.
Leave a comment
Comment Guidelines:
You can use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>
Off-topic or inappropriate comments will be edited or deleted.
Email addresses will never be published.