Pepsi condom

UGGHHH !!!
Man…I pity the guy.
This is a conspiracy, I tell you. This is the handiwork of the perverts who strut around as liberals. Possibly, they have been recruited by Western powers that seek the downfall of our great heritage. When outsized hoardings showing semi-naked women and ubiquitous advertisements with sexual connotations didn’t do the job, these people have moved on to smuggling filthy artifacts into innocuous looking soft drink bottles so that the “truth” according to them will strike us unaware on the face. They are being encouraged by the senseless mass movement for family planning and over-hyped anti-AIDS campaigns. The day is not far when they will be giving away free dildos on Diwali. A reawakening of the Indian youth is the only prevention against this cultural onslaught.

In the meantime, here are some simple steps to avoid the immediate threat of getting ‘condomized’ with the next sip of your Cola.
1. Ask for a glass every time you buy your drink.
2. Additionally, you might also ask for a drinking straw so that you can stir the contents cautiously and peer into the murky depths for hidden mostrosities.
3. Before the first sip, look around. There is a good chance you will find some suspicious looking character spying on you. He has been sent by the same forces that hatched the plot, and is now making sure you get a mouthful of it.
4. If you spot someone, be even more careful, but don’t let it show. Lift your glass and, while pretending to rub your nose with your wrist, take a light sniff. Does it smell like ammonia? Chances are, it doesn’t. Does it smell like your cat urinated in it 3 days ago? Or like the third toe-nail of Saddam Hussein? Or like … well, anything that’s not Cola? Your drink has been doctored with. In this case, proceed to the nearest flowerpot (out of sight of the agent), and kill the poor plant.
5. If your drink has passed the smell test, do not relax. Pull out a small toothpick from your pocket (you can borrow from the waiter, but you should always carry your own) and suck on it till it becomes soggy. Dip it into the drink for 2 minutes. Bring your ear close to the glass. Can you still hear the minuscle farts that aereated drinks often release? If yes, then you can almost breathe a sigh of relief. If not, find the flowerpot and go kill that plant.
6. As a last precaution, I recommend striking a conversation with the nearest person to you (you need at least the minimum social skills for this) and then persuade him or her to have the first sip from your glass. If you are convincing enough, this is not difficult. Depending on the situation (and the surroundings) you can try force-feeding, too. Then sit back for two minutes and observe the effects.

If you are by nature a lazy person, the above steps are not for you. In that case, give up Cola. It’s time for beer.
Cheers!

P.S: (HAHAHAHAHA !! Sakshi, I am sorry for turning this comment into an essay…What can I say? ….got carried away. Don’t mind, ok?)