Martha Stewart’s Way vs. The Real Woman’s Way

Martha Way#1: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Woman’s Way #1: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete’s sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

Martha’s Way #2: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Woman’s Way #2: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha’s Way #3: When a cake mix calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead, there won’t be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

Real Woman’s Way #3: Go to the bakery. They’ll even decorate it for you.

Martha’s Way #4: If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it’s still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant “fix me up.”

Real Woman’s Way #4: If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that’s just too bad. Please recite with me the Real Woman’s motto: “I made it and you will eat it.”

Martha’s Way #5: Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the fridge and it will keep for weeks.

Real Woman’s Way #5: Celery? What’s that?

Martha’s Way #6: Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust just before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Real Woman’s Way #6: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I don’t do it.

Martha’s Way #7: Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Woman’s Way #7: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can’t rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eyes and then the problem isn’t the headache anymore, because now you are BLIND. A much better use for the lime is with tequila. You certainly won’t have a headache, not until the next day, anyway. If a headache does occur, repeat with the tequila and lime.

Martha’s Way #8: Don’t throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Woman’s Way #8: Leftover wine???

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