Potpourri of bizzare thoughts

I live in my own little world, but it’s ok they know me here.

I don’t do drugs anymore ’cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.

Sign In Pet Store: “Buy one dog, get one flea…”

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

I don’t approve of political jokes…I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

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