Comments on: The M Word – The ABCD of Marriage http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/ Don't just sit there...do something ! Fri, 22 Oct 2010 19:23:33 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc By: To Each Its Own » Archives » The ‘M’ Word (Part 4) - The Dented Mentality http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-80773 To Each Its Own » Archives » The ‘M’ Word (Part 4) - The Dented Mentality Sat, 17 Nov 2007 05:57:33 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-80773 [...] Posts - Part 1, Part 2 and Part [...] [...] Posts – Part 1, Part 2 and Part [...]

]]> By: Desicritics.org: The 'M' Word http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-27865 Desicritics.org: The 'M' Word Wed, 07 Mar 2007 05:26:56 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-27865 <!--%kramer-ref-pre%-->[...] on 'To Each Its Own') Saakshi O. Juneja is an active blogger, feminist and overboard dog lover. Currently working as a [...]<!--%kramer-ref-post%--> [...] on ‘To Each Its Own’) Saakshi O. Juneja is an active blogger, feminist and overboard dog lover. Currently working as a [...]

]]> By: Mario Pereira http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-8376 Mario Pereira Thu, 20 Jul 2006 06:09:57 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-8376 “Don’t go for a disco going type of boy, first see how much money he has in his pocket”. Hey he must be the same Marriage broker, you know from your cousins wedding that took place in Indore. He must have seen you dance. So I guess what he meant to say was "No Mithun Chakraborty for you girl". lol “Don’t go for a disco going type of boy, first see how much money he has in his pocket”.
Hey he must be the same Marriage broker, you know from your cousins wedding that took place in Indore. He must have seen you dance. So I guess what he meant to say was “No Mithun Chakraborty for you girl”. lol

]]> By: M http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-6739 M Tue, 27 Jun 2006 16:16:16 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-6739 Very nicely said Sakshi. I came upon this today. I wrote something similar on my blog a couple of days back and had a number of people debate on the topic. Am linking your post to mine. Take care. Very nicely said Sakshi. I came upon this today. I wrote something similar on my blog a couple of days back and had a number of people debate on the topic. Am linking your post to mine. Take care.

]]> By: shadows http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-6649 shadows Mon, 26 Jun 2006 07:50:28 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-6649 Whoa thread still alive. Anyway, Sakshi, I can understand, I am a guy (and a Sindhi one at that) going through the same. Sigghsss. And I took too many pangas with my mom, she wants to get back at me by getting me married. And plus she knows about my beer drinking and wants to stop it. See how bad it is for us. I want a partner who is okay with beer and would infact join me sometimes. How.. How.. How on earth do I ask the family or the girl - Do you like beer. They would kick me all right. But if I dont, I kick myself for losing the freedom. And Sakshi, you say girls lose their freedom, what about guys. Bad bad world :( No more late night parties, no hanging out with friends, and worst of all, watching the K soaps on TV. Come on, be fair :D Whoa thread still alive.

Anyway, Sakshi, I can understand, I am a guy (and a Sindhi one at that) going through the same. Sigghsss. And I took too many pangas with my mom, she wants to get back at me by getting me married. And plus she knows about my beer drinking and wants to stop it.

See how bad it is for us. I want a partner who is okay with beer and would infact join me sometimes. How.. How.. How on earth do I ask the family or the girl – Do you like beer. They would kick me all right. But if I dont, I kick myself for losing the freedom.

And Sakshi, you say girls lose their freedom, what about guys. Bad bad world :( No more late night parties, no hanging out with friends, and worst of all, watching the K soaps on TV. Come on, be fair :D

]]> By: Peeyush http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-6644 Peeyush Mon, 26 Jun 2006 07:08:36 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-6644 M word Its not like its going to eat you alive and screw you so bad you wont be able to tell the end from the begining. Its not something which you need to be so scared of, or so apprehensive about that you are unable to tell what it actually is, or what form it can take. So my first point is call a marriage a marriage not some M word. Then, there are millions of men and women who make marriages work. There is nothing which makes them more capable than you. Third, people change. Their earning capacities change, Their needs change. They become fat or become more attractive with time. They make friends and lose friends. Their sense of what they are vis a vis the society changes. Changes happen in all aspects of life all the time. To say that you know yourself better or what you want is a complete lie. Your sense of awareness is as transitory as when you were 5 years old. Four: I see no reason why Fitness should come after a bank balance, for you may not enjoy shopping more than sex Five: There are no ideal people but there are ideal relationships Six: Much of what I say is trash. Attribute it to none, and attach no importance to it. Finally, its more difficult for guys to find girls than it is the other way round, as that is the only logic which can stand to the reason of demand and supply. M word

Its not like its going to eat you alive and screw you so bad you wont be able to tell the end from the begining. Its not something which you need to be so scared of, or so apprehensive about that you are unable to tell what it actually is, or what form it can take.

So my first point is call a marriage a marriage not some M word.

Then, there are millions of men and women who make marriages work. There is nothing which makes them more capable than you.

Third, people change. Their earning capacities change, Their needs change. They become fat or become more attractive with time. They make friends and lose friends. Their sense of what they are vis a vis the society changes. Changes happen in all aspects of life all the time. To say that you know yourself better or what you want is a complete lie. Your sense of awareness is as transitory as when you were 5 years old.

Four: I see no reason why Fitness should come after a bank balance, for you may not enjoy shopping more than sex

Five: There are no ideal people but there are ideal relationships

Six: Much of what I say is trash. Attribute it to none, and attach no importance to it.

Finally, its more difficult for guys to find girls than it is the other way round, as that is the only logic which can stand to the reason of demand and supply.

]]> By: Mel http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-4842 Mel Thu, 25 May 2006 15:35:32 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-4842 26 may be a great time to get married if you're hooking up with your high school sweetheart or something but, quite frankly, (and I know this may piss some people off) you really don't know who you are at that age. I'd say you could start a relationship then and see where it goes but I would want to put a good four or five years between getting together and tying the knot. I know a great many people who got married young and are in the stages of separation and divorce. The number one reason? They were "different" people when they met. They were different because they were too young to know who they were, too young to know what they needed - in life and in a partner. In your twenties, you're just getting a sense of who you are, what you dig and what kind of life you'd like to lead. In lieu of a depth of life experience, you're mostly working with second hand "ideas" and "ideals" of what matters, where you want to go, etc. Ideas and ideals that will, invariably, be tested against the realities of life and discoveries about who you really are and what really matters to you. Knowledge that can only come with time and experience. Again, you really don't have much wisdom in your 20s. That's a time of exploration, learning and disovery. I don't feel I really started to know myself - in a truthful, honest and meaningful way - until I hit 30. Your personality and knowledge base begins to stabilize in profound ways when you reach your 30s. So when you meet another person who is also in this age group, chances are, they've been in a few relationships already, learned things and discovered what they do and do not want - for better and for worse. At least they know. Especially men. A young guy may not have the confidence to admit what he really wants. And he may just tell you what he thinks you need to hear, rather than exploring what really matters to him. Meet that same guy five to ten years later and that's when he has the confidence and self-awareness to say what he can and cannot offer (based on his own experiences sacrificing or enjoying particular experiences in the journey to self realisation). I say, wait a while. Don't let somebody else (or society) do your thinking for you. Marriage and family are profound life choices - that can lead to years of joy (or misery) depending on whether you have made those choices in an examined and personally meaningful way. 26 may be a great time to get married if you’re hooking up with your high school sweetheart or something but, quite frankly, (and I know this may piss some people off) you really don’t know who you are at that age. I’d say you could start a relationship then and see where it goes but I would want to put a good four or five years between getting together and tying the knot.

I know a great many people who got married young and are in the stages of separation and divorce. The number one reason? They were “different” people when they met. They were different because they were too young to know who they were, too young to know what they needed – in life and in a partner. In your twenties, you’re just getting a sense of who you are, what you dig and what kind of life you’d like to lead. In lieu of a depth of life experience, you’re mostly working with second hand “ideas” and “ideals” of what matters, where you want to go, etc. Ideas and ideals that will, invariably, be tested against the realities of life and discoveries about who you really are and what really matters to you. Knowledge that can only come with time and experience. Again, you really don’t have much wisdom in your 20s. That’s a time of exploration, learning and disovery.

I don’t feel I really started to know myself – in a truthful, honest and meaningful way – until I hit 30. Your personality and knowledge base begins to stabilize in profound ways when you reach your 30s. So when you meet another person who is also in this age group, chances are, they’ve been in a few relationships already, learned things and discovered what they do and do not want – for better and for worse. At least they know. Especially men. A young guy may not have the confidence to admit what he really wants. And he may just tell you what he thinks you need to hear, rather than exploring what really matters to him. Meet that same guy five to ten years later and that’s when he has the confidence and self-awareness to say what he can and cannot offer (based on his own experiences sacrificing or enjoying particular experiences in the journey to self realisation).

I say, wait a while. Don’t let somebody else (or society) do your thinking for you. Marriage and family are profound life choices – that can lead to years of joy (or misery) depending on whether you have made those choices in an examined and personally meaningful way.

]]> By: sats http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-4356 sats Tue, 09 May 2006 07:03:49 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-4356 Marriage is not neccessary ..it's jus a mental constrant. just EVOLVE. Marriage is not neccessary ..it’s jus a mental constrant.

just EVOLVE.

]]> By: The ‘M’ word - Part 2 at To Each It’s Own http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-4249 The ‘M’ word - Part 2 at To Each It’s Own Wed, 03 May 2006 15:15:37 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-4249 [...] This time round, the ‘M’ word had apparently crossed borders; it had traveled with me to Delhi. It was being used practically in every sentence with my name init. The bottom funda here is that, it’s just me and my cousin sister who are at the so-called ‘right age’ to take a plunge into the ‘pavitra bandhan’. And I being the older one was mostly the center of shaadi talks. Its funny to see that people instead of making the most of the wedding function they are present in - already start planning for next candidate. So here I was, getting serious advice on marriage from the grown ups; the ones who have seen the world and experienced life more than me. It’s all good and frankly I didn’t mind it, but what really pisses me off is when people assume that I have all along been very choosey and overly pampered by my folks and that’s why even at the age of 26, I am without my ‘pati parmatma’. But I kept my tongue very much wrapped up in my mouth, because frankly my words would have made no-sense to them. After all, ‘I am not ready’, has never been considered a correct and valid reason for avoiding marriage, at least not in my family. There were nights, when the whole clan (old & young) would sit down to chat, catch up on old times and then for some god for-saken reason, they would gang up on me. Asking all daunting questions, the types a girl will surely avoid?definitely avoid in front of hard-core Punjabi crowd. “What’s your dream man like, Saku?”, “Why didn’t you find one in Sydney, yaar?”, “You sure you don’t have anyone in mind? Inter-caste would do re.”, “You have already seen 5 boys, how many more?”, “You will be a buddhi by the time you have kids?” - These are just the tip of the ice-berg. Its not that I am against marriage or anything like that but when you think about it as a life-long commitment - well it makes me practically shit bricks. The reason could be that I never thought that I would have to use my parent’s contacts to find a match, always believed that I would land-up having a ‘love-marriage’ - a wishful thinking. Another really scary bit is that in us North Indian, we don’t generally leave much gap between the engagement and marriage; max to max 6 months. [...] [...] This time round, the ‘M’ word had apparently crossed borders; it had traveled with me to Delhi. It was being used practically in every sentence with my name init. The bottom funda here is that, it’s just me and my cousin sister who are at the so-called ‘right age’ to take a plunge into the ‘pavitra bandhan’. And I being the older one was mostly the center of shaadi talks. Its funny to see that people instead of making the most of the wedding function they are present in – already start planning for next candidate. So here I was, getting serious advice on marriage from the grown ups; the ones who have seen the world and experienced life more than me. It’s all good and frankly I didn’t mind it, but what really pisses me off is when people assume that I have all along been very choosey and overly pampered by my folks and that’s why even at the age of 26, I am without my ‘pati parmatma’. But I kept my tongue very much wrapped up in my mouth, because frankly my words would have made no-sense to them. After all, ‘I am not ready’, has never been considered a correct and valid reason for avoiding marriage, at least not in my family. There were nights, when the whole clan (old & young) would sit down to chat, catch up on old times and then for some god for-saken reason, they would gang up on me. Asking all daunting questions, the types a girl will surely avoid?definitely avoid in front of hard-core Punjabi crowd. “What’s your dream man like, Saku?”, “Why didn’t you find one in Sydney, yaar?”, “You sure you don’t have anyone in mind? Inter-caste would do re.”, “You have already seen 5 boys, how many more?”, “You will be a buddhi by the time you have kids?” – These are just the tip of the ice-berg. Its not that I am against marriage or anything like that but when you think about it as a life-long commitment – well it makes me practically shit bricks. The reason could be that I never thought that I would have to use my parent’s contacts to find a match, always believed that I would land-up having a ‘love-marriage’ – a wishful thinking. Another really scary bit is that in us North Indian, we don’t generally leave much gap between the engagement and marriage; max to max 6 months. [...]

]]> By: amsoconfused http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/2006/02/21/the-m-word/comment-page-1/#comment-2122 amsoconfused Tue, 07 Mar 2006 05:59:46 +0000 http://sakshijuneja.com/blog/?p=286#comment-2122 guys first time am on this blog and Well everyone thanks for this entire exchange. I can so truly understand Sakshi's point of view. Am in the same boat currently. Am 27 and not married. Not even sure if i want to get married but am going ahead with the so called meeting guys because it'll make my parents happy and maybe I'll know what I want The whole thing is that marriage is so UNIVERSAL in India. If you're not married by xyz age something is wrong and the whole world will think they have a right to try and get u hooked. thakfully my parents are extremely understanding and they know that i will not marry till i'm very sure of the person. so it cannot be a traditional arranged marriage where u meet for some 10 mins and decide to spend ur life together always i was surprised when well educated, so called braod minded boys made comments like- o what about a girl's career, she shouldn't plan anything long term till she gets married coz that will depend on where the guy is- i'm like EXCUSE ME and GET LOST. second " o why r u thinking of buying a house in bombay ul be getting married" woo hoo..my entire life and plans shpuld depend on marriage??/ ALl the guys over here be honest isn't this the way ur brain works. why doesn't a woman have dreams and ambitions and expectations from life other than marriage. is this sounding evry feminist, am sorry- not the intention im not against marriage at all. but like rightly said TO EACH HIS OWN. a person i believe should do only what makes them happy ( as long as it doesn't trouble others too much -only ppl who care) again a person's sexual preference is a matter of personal choice. NOBODY has a right to comment on whether its right or wrong. anyway that is a totally different discussion which can lead into pages guess its become too long.....but its straight from the heart ;-) guys first time am on this blog and Well everyone thanks for this entire exchange. I can so truly understand Sakshi’s point of view. Am in the same boat currently. Am 27 and not married. Not even sure if i want to get married but am going ahead with the so called meeting guys because it’ll make my parents happy and maybe I’ll know what I want

The whole thing is that marriage is so UNIVERSAL in India. If you’re not married by xyz age something is wrong and the whole world will think they have a right to try and get u hooked. thakfully my parents are extremely understanding and they know that i will not marry till i’m very sure of the person. so it cannot be a traditional arranged marriage where u meet for some 10 mins and decide to spend ur life together always

i was surprised when well educated, so called braod minded boys made comments like- o what about a girl’s career, she shouldn’t plan anything long term till she gets married coz that will depend on where the guy is- i’m like EXCUSE ME and GET LOST. second ” o why r u thinking of buying a house in bombay ul be getting married” woo hoo..my entire life and plans shpuld depend on marriage??/

ALl the guys over here be honest isn’t this the way ur brain works. why doesn’t a woman have dreams and ambitions and expectations from life other than marriage. is this sounding evry feminist, am sorry- not the intention

im not against marriage at all. but like rightly said TO EACH HIS OWN. a person i believe should do only what makes them happy ( as long as it doesn’t trouble others too much -only ppl who care)

again a person’s sexual preference is a matter of personal choice. NOBODY has a right to comment on whether its right or wrong. anyway that is a totally different discussion which can lead into pages

guess its become too long…..but its straight from the heart ;-)

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