Employee’s Horoscope

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 13)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
You lie a great deal.
On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical causing you to make the same mistake over and over again.
People think you are stupid.

PISCES (Feb. 14 – March 20)

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the CIA or FBI.
You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for your flaunting of your power.
You lack confidence and are generally a coward.
Pisces’s people do terrible things to small animals.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.
You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice.
You are not very nice.

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
People like you because you are bi-sexual.
However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little.
This means you are cheap.
Gemini’s are known for committing incest.

CANCER (June 21 – July 22)

You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems.
They think you are a sucker.
You are always putting things off.
That is why you’ll never make anything of yourself.
Most welfare recipients are Cancer people.

LEO (July 23 – Aug. 22)

You consider yourself a born leader.
Others think you are pushy.
Most Leo people are bullies.
You are vain and dislike honest criticism.
Your arrogance is disgusting.
Leo people are known thieves.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

You are the logical type and hate disorder.
This nitpicking is sickening to your friends.
You are cold and unemotional and sometimes fall asleep while making love.
Virgo’s make qood bus drivers.

LIBRA ( Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality.
If you are a man, you are more than likely queer.
Chances for employment and monetary gains are excellent.
Most Libra women are good Prostitutes.
All Libra’s die of Venereal Diseases.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.
You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics.
Most Scorpio people are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.
The majority of Sagittarius’s are drunks or dope fiends.
People laugh at you a great deal.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)