Office Phrases

“Office Phrases” , You’ve probably heard them! Those phrases being thrown around work that have hidden meanings. Here is an attempt to clear up those hidden meanings, in a rather… humorous way.

It is in process – So wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.

We will look into it – By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we assume you will have forgotten about it too.

A Program – Any assignment that can’t be completed by one telephone call.

Expedite – To confound confusion with commotion?

Channels – be trail left by the interoffice memo.

Coordinator - me guy who has a desk between two expeditors.

Consultant (or Expert) – Any ordinary guy more than 50 miles from home.

To Activate – To make carbons and add more names to the memo.

To Inplement a Program – Hire more people and expand the office.

Under Consideration – Never heard of it.

Under Active Consideration – We’re looking in the files for it.

A Meeting – A mass mulling by master minds.

A Conference – A place where conversation is substituted for the dreariness of labor and the loneliness of thought.

To Negotiate – To seek a meeting of minds without knocking together of heads.

Re-orientation – Getting used to working again.

Reliable Source – The guy you just met.

Informed Source – The guy who told the guy you just met.

Unimpeachable Source – The guy who started the rumor originally.

A Clarification – To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.

We Are Making A Survey – We need more time to think of an answer.

Note and Initial – Let’s spread the responsibility for this.

See Me, or Let’s Discuss – Come down to my office, I’m lonesome.

Let’s Get Together on This – I’m assuming you’re as confused as I am.

Give Us the Benefit of Your Present Thinking – We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we’ve already decided to do.

To Give Someone the Picture – A long, confused and inaccurate statement to a newcomer.

Will Advise You in Due Course – If we figure it out, we’ll let you know.