This is sad but true, in India even today, ‘Virginity some-what seems to be directly proportional to ones character’. You and I may completely dis-agree with the above statement, however if not all most of people are in sync with this thought.
On one side we have some women who consider their virginity as some sort of a ‘treasure box’, whose key they are saving for their prince charming aka their future husband. And on the other side we the men, who simply can’t wait to get rid off their virginity tag (no waiting till Suhaag Raat for them). Some of these very men are so bloody keen to marry a bride who has an intact hymen. The Indian mentality completely stinks on the topic of ‘Virginity’. Women who loose their virgin status before marriage are labeled as ‘whores’, ‘sluts’ and all sorts of deeming/insulting names one could think off. Whereas for the men, it’s more of a ‘counting numbers’ game. The more they get in bed, the more they are regarded as ‘casanovas’, ‘hot property’ and ‘eligible bachelors’.
This makes me wonder why even in the 21st century there is so much hypocrisy and double standards surrounding ‘physical intimacy’. After all, what virginity has to do with character? Why can’t we take physical intimacy just as the way it is?
While browsing the net, I came across this very interesting article written by an 18 year old named ‘Prerona Prasad’. In this article she has brilliantly reasoned the concept of virginity as an outdated idea.
Here are her words….
Virgin wool, virgin oil, virgin forests-ever wonder why these terms evoke images of purity in our minds? It is because the meaning of the word ‘virgin’ is ‘pure’. Although it is very easy to distinguish between the pure and the impure as far as objects and commodities are concerned, how far is it justified to apply the same principles of judgment to human beings? Does being a virgin lead us towards becoming higher, purer life forms? Or, does being sexually experienced bar one from leading a moral and wholesome life? In short, can virginity, in human beings, be linked with purity?
Several years ago, when I first came to understand this word, I took it for granted that, sexually, I was this hallowed, undefiled creature. I soon joined the ranks of my similarly ‘pure’ friends and looked down upon those lesser mortals who had given in to their carnal desires and had thereby fallen from grace. Couldn’t they have waited until they were securely ensconced in their marital homes before experimenting with sex? They were all sex-crazed and had lost something valuable due to their immoral impatience. Right? Wrong.
Thankfully, with the passing of the years (a few short ones), some wisdom finally dawned on me. How silly it was to put such a premium on tissue! Did anyone have the right to question my virtue on the basis of a rather flimsy membrane? Does the indicator of my purity lie between my legs or is it between my ears? What on earth does virginity have to do with purity, anyway? It is frightening to think that I could probably be the worst backstabber or dog-kicker on the face of the planet and still be considered virtuous and decent on account of my being a virgin. However, in the same crazy world my not being a virgin would probably justify my being kicked out of my husband’s home or being hit upon by a mob of vulgar romeos even if I were a benevolent and meek person.
Thus, the only thing that justifies sexual relations in such a society is marriage. All of a sudden it’s okay to not be a virgin. What, for an unmarried woman, is supposed to be a loss of virtue is accepted as a natural part of life for her married counterpart. In effect, a social concept like marriage is supposed to determine the right time to exercise a natural and highly individual concept like sexuality.
It wasn’t too long afterwards that I realised what virginity meant to members of the opposite sex. Just as girls are under a great deal of pressure to keep their pants on, boys are under a lot of stress to take theirs off! A highly personal decision is often turned into a race to see who has ‘had’ the highest number of sexual encounters. While for a girl, her femininity lies in abstaining from sex, a boy’s masculinity is challenged if he prefers not to get sexually involved. I’ve often wondered how boys can brag about having ‘had’ dozens of girls while all of us are safely sitting at home like epitomes of chastity!
It’s easy to be flippant but there is a darker side to all of this. If boys are pressurised into discussing sexual exploits, they’re either risking their lives in the arms of sex workers or are taking on tremendous feelings of guilt and inadequacy by fabricating tales of sexual conquests. Thus, the pressures of both, keeping one’s virginity and losing it, have disastrous effects on our minds and bodies. Wouldn’t it be better then, to get rid of this artificial concept of virginity altogether?
Lastly, in an in-depth discussion on virginity in a large group, child sexual abuse was an issue that no one could tackle with our preconceived notions of virginity. Technically, a child who has been raped is not a virgin. Is it fair to say that this child has lost a virtue? Is it justifiable to put a label on this child when we all know the societal connotations being a non-virgin has? The same goes for grown women who are also victims of rape. It’s bad enough to go through the mental trauma of this heinous crime without the added burden of the loss of virginity. It is incredibly hard for a young woman to hold her head high when all of society thinks that she is soiled in some way. “Who’ll marry her?” is a common question asked by grieving parents as it’s common knowledge that most people wouldn’t accept their daughter, “secondhand”. What can a bewildered girl do when her waning self-esteem is sent crashing down due to society’s harsh stand on virginity.
Somewhere along the line, we must distinguish between damaged goods and human beings. The basis of humanity is that human beings must not be treated like objects. Virginity is totally acceptable with regard to forests, oils or wool, but when the term is applied to human beings, it is an affront to the rights of an individual. To take the word virgin out of one’s vocabulary is to come one step closer to accepting the concept of fundamental liberties of all human beings. Which concept would you rather subscribe to?
As far as I am concerned I will say that I believe that someone’s sex life should be dictated by them and that what is right or wrong should be determined by an individual not the majority or a minority of people. It’s high time we take sex as a natural need instead a yardstick to measure one’s character. It’s important to understand that sex isn’t simply about penetration, just as being a virgin shouldn’t define you as a person. Quite simply, it can mean as much or as little to your life as you like.
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wanting to scream out loud, hoping that so-called “TV gurus†would hear our plead one day. This entry was posted on Friday, October 28th, 2005 at 9:02 am and is filed under Lists, Humor, India. You can follow any responses to this entry through theRSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. 46 Responses to “The old “idiot†box…†sowmya Says: October 28th, 2005 at 12:08 pm First time here. Your post took me through a nostalgic journey down DD lane. Indeed the
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