The Big-Fat Punjabi Wedding

For all those wondering….where the heck have I been for the past week, well I was in Delhi attending my Bhua’s (dad’s sister) son’s wedding. This happens to be a “first inter-caste arranged marriage” in our khandan ( girl side being Sindhi). And I have to say…it was simply awesome !!!!

Now Punjabis are known for their loud, opulent and flamboyant weddings but over the past few years that big fat Punjabi wedding seems to be breaking new grounds and trends. My cousin’s wedding functions took place in a huge farmhouse in Gurgoan (about 15 mins from Domestic Airport). The accommodation arrangements were also made in a nearby motel for all the guests. My cousin did one really sensible thing…the bottom floor rooms of the motel were given to all the non-married cousins/friends and some newly married couples, so that we all could have our own ‘dhamaal’ without disturbing are parents, aunts and uncles. The first floor was dedicated to the “oldies”.

Punju wedding functions are known to go on for days and days (for my brother’s wedding we had 8 functions in all)…thankfully here we had just 4 functions…in short not too many and not too less. Here is a small brief on each of them…

The Sangeet Party: Bride’s family, dressed in red & black combo outfits, arrive promptly at 8 pm because that’s what it says on the card. There’s no one there. They don’t know yet that when we say eight, we mean nine, even ten. Once our whole jing-bang arrived, we had a small ceremony where the couple exchanged rings and gifts. This is where the groom’s mother hands the bride her wedding “jewelry”, which she has to wear on the wedding day. After that, there is nothing more to do besides gobble on the food cum alcohol and obviously shake a leg on the ‘dance floor’. The best bit I like about us Punjus is that we don’t do any ‘nakharas’ to come on the dance floor, once the alcohol sets in our veins…we will even dance to ‘classical music’.

The combination of ice-chilled Delhi weather, Kamikazes/Vodka shots along with Bhangara beats….can only be resisted by the in-sane.. Finally after all the leg-breaking we went back to the motel around 3.00 am.

The Mehandi Lunch : We had the mehandi lunch with the bride side (again the first of it’s kind..we usually have separate functions). Here we had the ‘mehandi walies and (some) walas’ along with few ‘chudiwalas’. So all the ladies were going crazy over the mehandi and bangles, while the men were busy munching on the food and deserts. I was mostly with few of my cousins at the desert section for most part of the afternoon…couldn’t stop myself from gobbling over the ‘dandi-kulfi’ and ‘ras-malayee’. Once again no Punjabi function is complete without some ‘dance-shance’…here we had the ‘dhol-walas’ and the ladies were busy doing some proper ‘filmi-ishstyle’ steps.

The Cocktail Function : This dinner function was on the same day at the mehandi and was kept in our motel lawn. Compared to the previous two functions….this was the smallest and consisted of only the groom side guests. Once again we drowned ourselves in food…food…food and alcohol for most part of the evening. Chatted with cousins…made new friends and obviously danced to some more ‘bhangara cum dhol’ beats.

The Wedding Day : Now the wedding day itself involves loads of small rituals and ceremonies which start from early afternoon.

We have the ‘ghadholi’, where the all the aunties, bhabies and sisters apply ‘haldi’ to the groom. This does get a bit nasty…cause they literally tear his clothes off….my cousin was seen running along the swimming pool section holding on to his shorts…while the bhabies were after him..trying to get it off. After this chaos, we have the sisters and bhabies filling up clay-pots with water…with this groom has to take his bath.

Later in the evening we have the ‘pagdi’ ceremony, where all the men have turbans placed on their heads…along with the groom. Just before the ‘barat’ is about to leave for the wedding place and the groom is about to sit on the ‘horse’… the sisters braid the horse’s hair or put kajal in the groom’s eyes. We have dhol-walas blarring the beats and everyone is dancing infront of the groom’s horse….while the fire-works are going on the side. The groom’s friends help him to sit on the ‘ghodi’ (female horse). And then the barat…starts walking cum dancing towards the wedding venue.

Once at the venue, we have the ‘milni’ ceremony at the entrance. Where the bride parents and relatives greet and welcome the groom family. Once inside, we have the ‘mala’ceremony where the couple exchange garlands. Then we had the ‘pheras’, where the wedding vows are taken. Usually this bit goes on for hours but thanks to the ultra-super sonic ‘panditji’…this was over in about 55 mins. The couple are now officially married…and then have to go up the stage and keep smiling for the photographers.

After that….everything is very blurred to me. Thanks to the countless ‘test-tube’ shots given to me by my beloved cousins and friends. All I remember is that I reached the motel at about 4.00 am.

It’s amazing to see how Indian wedding rituals reside in the deepest part of our cultural psyche. I mean, take all those global Indians who are westernised in every way, punctuate their every sentence with: “That’s so cooool”. But when the time comes to marry, they all want to fly back home and have a Hum Aapke Hain Kaun wedding.

While the world gets more compact, the Indian wedding continues to expand. It has not let go of any of its old traditions but it has opened its big arms and allowed many new elements in including dance floors, DJs, Thai food, western music. Meanwhile, we continue to also do everything our ancestors did.

I whole-heartedly believe that Indian wedding is an affirmation of Family, which is among the deepest held of Indian values. Weddings are a public statement of how much family matters, even when it contains embarrassing relatives, gossipy aunts and the inevitable drunken uncle or two. The great Indian family embraces it all.

Here are few snaps….to give you a jist of ‘Big-Fat Punjabi’ Weddings.