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Alimony – Are women mis-using the law ?

Manipulation of law is not an uncommon phenomenon in India. One of the tragedies of independent India is that we have not yet learnt to distinguish between reasonable and unreasonable laws, between implementable and unimplementable laws, just as we have failed to create a law- enforcement machinery capable of providing genuine recourse to all those whose rights have been violated.

The reason for this post is here :

My housing society is manifested by rich Hindu families, owning multi-businesses, with minimum of 2 cars and atleast 3 servants. About 3 months ago, there was a highly publisied wedding of a rich businessman’s son. Lets call them ‘Family A’. They have been living in our society of nearly 10 years and they seem overall to be quite a decent well-educated family.

The bride belonged to the film fraternity. Her family owns one of the biggest film production company in India and are looked at with very high regard in Bollywood. I will call them ‘Family B’.The girl and boy were engaged for nearly 1 year before they got married. I had met them couple of times before their marriage and they both seemed to be quite happy in eachother’s company. The marriage function pictures were all over the papers, with famous celebrities taking part in the celebrations. Family B, gave loads of materialistic goodies as a part of their daughter’s trousseau.

However it seems after the ‘honeymoon’ period got over, their marriage was on the rocks. Three months into the marriage, the girl left Family A’ s residence and went back to her family’s house.

The reason for leaving were as follows :
1. She couldn’t stand her 16 year old sister-in-law.
2. She didn’t like her husband’s circle of friends.
3. She claimed that her mother-in-law made her do household chores. (which i really doubt because they have 3 full time servants).
4. She did not like the ‘housing society’ they were residing in.

Inspite of many pleads and requests from Family A, the girl left for Hong Kong cause she was feeling too pressured from them and her own family. She didnot even consider, marriage counselling and decided during her vacation to go in for divorce.

Family A didnot want to take their household matter to the courts and thereby damage their family pride and respect ( however there were rumours that the girl was threathing them with filing police complaint of dowry and physical harrasment). So Family A, decided to settle the matter outside the court with the help of a third party. The third party, is again a very very well-know man in Bollywood and is good friends with both the families involved.

A brief description of the settlement they reached :

1. Family BE takes back everything that they gave to their daughter. ( most of which the girl took back with her the day she left her husband’s house).
2. Family A would take care of the financial matters for all the court proceedings in acquiring the divorce.
3. The girl would get herself an apartment within the budget of Rs. 85 Lakhs, which would be paid by Family A. They would also have to pay for all the paperwork involved.
4. Family A would pay Rs. 6 crores as a one-time final alimony.

I simply just don’t get this…

Firstly, its the girl who wants to quit the marriage, then on what basis is she making any demands (Okay, she may have her reason, but she dated the guy for nearly 1 year..and was quite aware of his sister, friend circle, etc. so that just don’t not make valid reason for a divorce).

Secondly, why the hell are they paying for her apartment.

Lastly, 6 crores in Alimony. WTF !!! Family B has taken back everything they gave their daughter, the marriage barely lasted 3 months, there are no children involved..then on what basis is she acquiring this humongous amount.

Such women simply make my blood boil. I mean, by a great deal of struggle and hard work, womenss organisations, many other individuals have won a measure of social legitimacy in persuading our society, especially lawmakers, to recognise the serious threat to women’s lives due to domestic violence, etc. However, if such instances of manipulation of laws become common, we will get less and less sympathy for the plight of women in our society, even for those women who are facing threats to their lives.

We desperately need to check out whether the allegations of abuse/dowry/alimony are indeed genuine, or they are exaggerated and altogether malafide. Those of us who are concerned about expanding the horizons of women’s freedom and strengthening their rights, both within the family and in the public domain, ought to be take a stand and stop such cases from re-occurring.

An article that was published in The Telegraph in 2003 is another example where women mis-use the law :

Save me, cries husband

Calcutta, Sept. 12: The boot is on the other foot.
Aniruddha Sen, a central government official, has sought Calcutta High Court’s “protection from constant threats by his wife and in-laws to use Section 498A of the Indian Penal Code” against him. This section deals with cruelty inflicted by a husband on his wife and is a non-bailable offence.
Sen, in his petition to the court, said his wife was threatening to move against him under the law because she war aware even a night’s stay in jail could jeopardise his career. The petition was to have come up for hearing today but because of a slip would now be taken up on Monday.
Aniruddha (a permanent resident of Jadavpur – the reason the case is being filed in Calcutta – but now posted in Delhi) married a Delhi-resident a few years ago. They stayed together for some time, Aniruddha’s lawyer (Kinshuk Chatterjee) said, but found they did not have too much in common.
They have been staying apart for the past few months without taking recourse to any legal move for separation or divorce, he added. Both husband and wife are staying in Delhi, he clarified, but Aniruddha’s wife is living with her parents.
The threats to use Section 498A started soon after the decision to live separately, Aniruddha has alleged in his petition. Using the “dreaded section” as a weapon, his wife and her family had “blackmailed” him into paying several lakhs, he has said in his petition.
Besides, the value of articles “extracted” from him – using similar tactics – would run into several thousand rupees, he has added.
His petition, which is to come up for hearing in Justice Pinaki Ghosh’s room, says the threats have been regular and are continuing.
Aniruddha went to the local station house in Delhi, his petition says, but police refused to register a case on the basis of his allegations. “The officials explained that they were ignorant whether a case could be filed against threats to use Section 498A,”it adds.
The petition says Aniruddha’s “only hope” now is the court. “If women who are tortured by their husbands can get help from the court, why can’t it provide succour to husbands who are threatened and blackmailed?” Aniruddha asked. “Does the rule of law apply only to men?”

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wanting to scream out loud, hoping that so-called “TV gurus” would hear our plead one day. This entry was posted on Friday, October 28th, 2005 at 9:02 am and is filed under Lists, Humor, India. You can follow any responses to this entry through theRSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site. 46 Responses to “The old “idiot” box…” sowmya Says: October 28th, 2005 at 12:08 pm First time here. Your post took me through a nostalgic journey down DD lane. Indeed the

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Comments

29 comments | Add your comment »

Gameboys
Sep 9th, 2005 at 1:28 am | #

Important point you make, although there may be more than meets the eye in such cases…

A slightly off-base take here. ‘Gold-digging’ is quite a common scenario in the west, and punishing marriage settlements are one of the main reasons many men are loathe to commit. One instance that comes to mind is that of NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon. His wife was a former a Miss Winston (Winston was the then main sponsor) and when they separated, he had to part with about 15 million USD. Gordon’s lawyers underdeclared his assets and were found out – he had about 45 million or so. In any case, I couldn’t understand why he had to part with 15 million – after all it was his money and she didn’t need 15 million to live her life. I think such divorce settlements are fundamentally flawed.
- Nanda Kishore

arZan
Sep 9th, 2005 at 3:37 am | #

this is a very dicey issue, for you to have such blanket cover-all solutions.

A lot of the damage is for other damages that cannot be material. All said and done, the woman in today’s society is still ostracized as being a divorcee.

Now in a scenario, that she will not marry again, bcos of this ostracization, she spends her life as a spinster alone.

Continuing to play the devil’s advocate, if that happens, 6 crores is not a lot of money for the next 60 years of her life.

There is potentially a big issue about gold-diggers as pointed out in the comment above.

Alimony (and child support where the case may be) is necessary, and there need to be a system of laws laid down for it. As a concept divorce and alimony thereof are new to india, thus the laws do not exist. Here in the US, it is the other way around. They have made it into a science.

Infact most marriages now have pre-nuptial agreements, especially between celebrities who have millions in cash and assets. The concept is a little unnerving. Imagine that the first contract u sign even before you are a couple, is about what u will get and keep if and when u divorce. Its like divorce is already an option on the table, and the married for life concept is outa the windown.

Sad but true !

Sakshi
Sep 9th, 2005 at 11:41 am | #

Kishore – I agree with you, there may be many other issues involved BUT to me it seems a bit rather unfair on the boy’s family. I mean these guys were wealthy enough to pay-off the alimony demanded..plus they did it without giving it a fight..just to save their family image in society. But what about other men…who cannot afford all this ? who is helping them ?

Arzan – Well being a divorcee is looked down upon…but i feel thats more with the middle-class section of the scoiety. This girl involved is around 25 years of age…and i really doubt that she would spend the rest of her life as a spinster. Plus she belongs to a very well known and well-off family…so gettin good guys for her wont be a big-deal.

Plus 6 crores is a BIG DEAL in India…even if she puts half of that money in the bank…the interest would help her go thru life with ease. For a 3 month marriage…its far more than she actually deserved. and not to forget she is also gettin an apartment.

Pre-nuptial..as you pointed out a sad subject…but i think its very much needed in today’s society..just as a HIV test is a must before marriage.

history_lover
Sep 9th, 2005 at 11:59 am | #

I would agree with sakshi here.
For her marrying for the second time won’t be that difficult.

Jayan
Sep 9th, 2005 at 8:39 pm | #

Very true ! Is there any law that protects the husband from the wife’s abuses ?

Nilu
Sep 10th, 2005 at 12:41 am | #

The husband chooses to be stupid and get an out of court deal – what can we do?

Sakshi
Sep 10th, 2005 at 9:52 am | #

Jayan – i didnot come across anything that discusses ‘laws’ that protect men in such cases.

Nilu – I know the guy’s family should have taken the matter to the court, however for many people the STATUS in society means much more than MONEY.

Anonymous
Sep 12th, 2005 at 11:03 pm | #

The yahoogroup saveindianfamily works towards protecting men, their sisters, mothers and grandmothers (in case they face atrocities from wife or her parents).

Their website is:

SaveIndianFamily

Prahalathan
Sep 15th, 2005 at 3:11 pm | #

Nice Blog…
But try to put in more original content.

Sakshi
Sep 15th, 2005 at 3:17 pm | #

Prahalathan : What you mean by ‘original’ here??? Do u want to me to make up stories…to put on the blog ??? :)

Kanti
Sep 27th, 2005 at 7:48 pm | #

You’re all forgetting that the woman can resort to perjury and claim crap like marital rape, or domestic violence. So, going to court is just as bad for the guy.

Gold-digging in the west can be avoided, but it takes guts. You’d have to dig up some dirt on your wife, and use that against her in court.

Still, I think the choice of going to a third party was a good one. But why some famous guy whose loyalties are clearly to the girl? Why not a discreet fast-track court, or retired judge?

Bharati
Sep 28th, 2005 at 12:30 pm | #

Nilu
you do not realise how much cards are stacked against the boys or men untill you have a first hand experince. Principled people who tried to stand up to this balckmail were thrown in jail. Payoing money or ransom is not something men all the time do . Around 17000 men chose to end teir lifes in suicide according to Madras insituate of development studuies which is three times higher then dowry or 498a deaths of women
yes Save indian Family and its network of NGOs is aggresively trying to ensure that the deck is stacked equally.

Bharati
Sep 28th, 2005 at 12:33 pm | #

Arzan
even if the women does not get any money she is not stopped from persuing a career . There are career choices avaible right from journalism , BPO to being a space aeronaut or being head of HSBC bank. The women should not depend on someone to sponsor her life but take charge of her life.

Rekha
Sep 28th, 2005 at 2:03 pm | #

Nice piece. Yes, unfortunately there are far to many women mis-using provisions in the law, to the detriment of those women who actually have a bonafide case.

Irritatingly, a lot of women support such actions taken by other women because either they feel ‘all’ guys deserve to be taken to the cleaners or alternatively, it is their fundamental right to be monetarily compensated, even when there may not be a justification for it.

Of course,a case has to be judged on its merits or demerits. As far as the comment on pre-nuptial agremments go, to my mind, it gets things clear right at the start and I do not see it as a precursor to a doomed relationship.

Sakshi
Sep 28th, 2005 at 2:39 pm | #

Kanti – thanks for ur visit and comment. I understand that the court can be a bad place for the guy in this case…maybe thats why they chose not to go there. However i still feel thy could have challenged her allegations in court…we have to fight some where. As for going to the third party, the man is very-well known to both the parties..so i dont think he was unfair. I feel its more to do with…just closing the matter from the guy side…and fear of being humiliated in the society..that the guy side agreed to the girl’s demand.

Bharati – I agree with most of your points.

Rekha – I agree pre-nuptial agrement should be taken as a positive and safety step. Thanks for dropping by.

Rebel
Nov 17th, 2005 at 8:34 am | #

Now let us look at the situation from a different viewpoint. What is the purpose of Alimony ? 1) To fulfill the obligation to provide financial support to the wife 2) To support his child financially. Think before you choose which one is correct. If you select the second, then majority of the people would undoubtedly agree. Its the non-legal obligation of the father to provide his child whatever financial support he CAN give. If you select the first one, then I guess it has a direct violation of the so-called theme of women liberation. Women liberation theme is about showing to the world that they can be financially and economically independent just like men. How alimony doesn’t hurt the self-respect of the woman when she tries to legally demand financial so-called compensation from her husband ? In this modern social setup when women too are pursuing their promising career, why can’t the law be a little altered to suit the condition of the society ? Perhaps, it becomes evident from this condition that its no longer about legal financial obligation towards the wife, its about money. Its just about money. Thats all.

Vivek
Dec 7th, 2005 at 10:31 am | #

A very nice blog and some great comments. What I feel about this issue this kind of blackmailing is still restricted to higher and affluent end of society. the scenes of “Heartbreakers” or “Bachke Rehna Re Baba” is still not so common in Indian society. But demand of dowry other exploitaions of bride and their family is still every next door affair in all sects. Even after presence of so many laws in favour of women they still do not get the justice they deserve. In India alimony in normal cases is still peanuts. Apart from the metropolis India is still a male dominated society, Just immagine if some strong laws come up to protect men how well will be very easily missused.
Lets take the example of the two cases mentioned in the blogs. In the first case if the families would have went to court there is no way that family A would have paid 6-7 crores as alimony. In my view there can be only two reasons they didnt fight it out, first that they feared too much publicity or second they themselves were guilty in some way and feared somthing more severe. And the second case is still in court so you cannot say that the man is hurt and I think that guy did the right thing.
So Finally in my view all such cases should be decided on merit.

Sandy
Jan 3rd, 2006 at 4:59 pm | #

Well .. hear it from a horse.
Foolish as I was, I agreed to go the arranged marriage way about three years back. Honeymoon was over in 6 months and yes its true people do realize they dont have anything in common when its too late. I fail to understand why India does not consider “iincompatibility” as a grounds for divorce. So, I am basically stuck with my marriage and stay far away in the United States while my wife (and daughter) live in India. I am currently in a situation where I (and my family) am being subject to constant threats by my inlaws and just yesterday my father in law came over to see my parents with someone he calls family and threatened my parents that “I would have to pay half of my earnings as alimony” etc. My wife is gainfully employed and makes good money. They threatened to take the matter up with the Human Rights Commission and destroy my career etc. My parents are completely stressed out and so am I. With very little information about what is right/wrong or possible/impossible, and trying to find out if theres anything on earth that would protect me, I stumbled upon this website. It is a good effort and has nice comments and I will go to the yahoogroup that one gentleman suggested above. But, I just hope that when push comes to shove, I too have some kind of recourse that I can fall back upon.

Jinesh Zaveri
Jan 16th, 2006 at 6:29 pm | #

Yes Women are misusing the alimony law to the max.

If they do not use then there is a family / peer pressure that states “When law recognises you as abla then why don’t you make the most out of it? So Enjoy” so that is the psyche prevailing.

for more eye openers visit http://indianhusbands.blogspot.com

sonia
Jan 20th, 2006 at 11:36 pm | #

gameboys up above – unfortunately one of the fundamental ideas behind marriage is once you get married its not your money or the other persons money but the property of both. so when you get divorced the splittling of property. i find this quite a funny idea myself but that’s the legal aspect of marriage. a good reason why lots of people dont get married nowadays. and ive no idea about what its like india but the splitting estate thing works both ways i.e if you’re a rich woman and you divorce your husband, he’s entitled to half.

i suppose we shouldn’t from the start pretend and go for the ‘what’s mine is yours’ crap.

Kush
Jul 8th, 2006 at 1:13 pm | #

Soina auntie, here here western women failed and indian women enjoy that.

The allomoney is for Indian wife not for husabnd.

Section 125 and 498a is not applicable for Indian wife, that is the whole sale free lincence indian women have.

Learn some thing from them, how to enjoy the multi life style with out staying with husabnd for a single night, but the whole life you ensure your same life style of husabnd.

That is great India….

Here what is wife’s is her ..
What is her husabnd she have right 50% irrespective the marriage break with in two hours or 200 years…

in addition to that

50% from parental property presently made.

Kush
Aug 8th, 2006 at 12:38 pm | #

Latest Update: Haramzdhi’s Group so called Deshi Critics or Deshi Cowered writers/blogers dirty face get exposed due to the Voice of Kush “Why 498A can’t be applicable for both Mum and Dad ?”.

They all get scared and lost thier Night Sleep.

As a Result they thretened to Ban the Name of Kush in thier Group otherwise they will Chop off the Balls of DC Editors/Moderators. At the end the Editor surrender in the Hand to Haramzadhi Feminist writers/blogers and Baned the Name Kush.

“#15
AamanURLAugust 4, 200606:04 AM “No prizes for guessing who is ‘Baned’”

Fight between Child Killer vs Child Saver will Continue till the time all those Haramzadhi will not be behind the bar for Killing the Child/Child abuse/forcing a child to live under single parenting system.

Save Indain Child form Haramzadhi Feminist group, if you you have some social responsibility , otherwise continue your money earning business through Legal Terrorism in India.

We do not want part time Fathers every night basis…

parvesh
May 30th, 2007 at 9:01 am | #

One amendment to section 498A. Our ladies are very genuine. After taking away the property of their husband for free,empower them to murder thier husband if they fail to obey them. They must be exempted from section 302. The husband must be tied to the ropes with their wives torturing them to death. If a woman inflict any damage to the husband may be through blackmailing, she should be given the noble prize. Good. Here is what Mrs. Renuka chowdary wants.

Pranay
Aug 25th, 2008 at 12:20 pm | #

I completely agree with what Juneja has written. Women are completely misusing the rights given to them to save themselves from disrupted marriages with cruel husbands.

But today women who leave their husbands for their own wills and fancies are claiming for ransom, other wise threatening the poor husbands of criminal case.

This type of women will create a fear in men about the marriages and that can soon result in the condemnation of marriage system. Just lie in Australia and US people will stop marrying and will only look for living relationships.

Laws should be changed as and when they are proved to be disastrous and is being misused.

subodh
Feb 2nd, 2009 at 12:02 pm | #

I really dont agree to people when they say that they could have fought against the allegation…… Because 99% weightage is given to womans allegation….. and 1 % to men.. Now you decide when you will have to make decision according to this what will be your decision……… Men have no where to go…………….. think again women ask for equality and then misuse the law…… I know women are strong………. and i know they can really take care of the family , they should be respected…….. but situation now is that they dont need respect………… they need money……….

saheb
Jul 8th, 2009 at 8:23 pm | #

I really think that is true. It has not been 6months since I am married but I have seen the most bitter side of life. Everyday is a truth. I live in Detroit and make enough to make a comfortable life and support my parents in India. my wife starts a fight and insults me and when that triggers me off and I start yelling (all I yell is to calm down and lets work it out… never did I insult her nor call her names). her reaction is I will kill myself or I am ready to leave you this minute but remember ” i will take drag you and claim half your property and alimony”. My parents are really old and have to support my younger brother’s education. I cannot take a financial blow like this. Hence I suck it all up. My friends and parents and brother think I am living a very happy life. I am not happy and ranting out on this website.
I hate my life, the pieces of which remain.
So, everybody out there your choices are (goes both for men/women)
[1] do not marry
[2] do not marry until you have reponsibilities
[3] Marry someone on a contract
[4] marry only if you are more sure than life the person is the right one

Young
Jul 18th, 2009 at 7:12 pm | #

Here we go again. I’ve been the latest victim of this so called ‘Crime in Silence’. Gold digging is a common feature in the west but now is rapidly catchig up in Indian metros as well. I’ve slogged my backside out throught out my teens and early youth to build a career. starting at a salary of 700 rupees a month in 1993 and now am having a stable career with a decent salary.
Last year I did the most dreadful mistake ever of marrying someone. Got her to the UK. eight months have elapsed since the marraige consummated and i have gone thru several problems. From Police, to hospital to lawyers and what not.
All that Anniruddha sen had to go thru has happened to me as well. I am upset that the law is turning a blind out to the very people who are being targeted and victimised.
There are two alternatives – first is to succumb to bullying and arrogance of my wife and in-laws and live a life in fear and full of compromises or quit and end up with a huge bill of payout of alimony and maintenance claims, lawyers fees etc.
Is there a way we can defend ourselves?
I request people who have gone thru this ordeal to post more information so that others can learn from them.

Roshni
Dec 22nd, 2009 at 9:04 am | #

Well, your question remains unanswered. why would the girl throw up everything within 3 months? just for the alimony amount? does not sound reasonable to me since she anyway comes from a family which is pretty well off. The bigger question is why are the guy s family avoiding a trial and the court. what are they trying to hide? why will they want to pay such a huge amount? To me there is an attempt at covering up.

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Sakshi Juneja

We all have a right to express our views. In many instances; it will be against ours and in some; with us. To hear them out is 'decency' but to let them get to you is 'weakness'. More info »

I also blog at DesiDabba and DesiCritics

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